


One Way Ticket

by aerinuh



Category: EXO (Band), Multi-Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Alternate Universe - Medical, Angst, Doctor Kim Jongdae | Chen, EXO KIM BROTHERS, Enemies to Lovers, Fashion Designer Byun Baekhyun, Flashbacks, Fluff, Geographical Inaccuracies, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Non-Linear Narrative, Past Relationship(s), SMTown - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-05-16 22:53:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19327759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerinuh/pseuds/aerinuh
Summary: Jongdae just nods, as both him and Chanyeol stare in the horizon and watch another breathtaking sunset from Fiji. Jongdae thinks about what type of explanation Baekhyun has to offer. Every part of Jongdae doesn’t want to hear Baekhyun out. Knowing himself too well, because if he does listen, he might not be able to control himself and run back to Baekhyun.Run back home.





	One Way Ticket

**Author's Note:**

> PROMPT PETAL #62
> 
> ❃ To mod honey bee, Thank you for your patience and understanding. Thank you so so so so much for conducting this fest! Until the next :) 
> 
> ❃ To the prompter, I hope I did a bit of justice to your prompt. I wish I fleshed it out more for you, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> ❃ To N, I really don't know how I can express my gratitude to you. Thank you for being the best beta anyone could have. You handled all of my raw writing, gave so many amazing insights and inputs, and helped me figure it all out. Whenever I upload a part of this fic I would always be excited because of your comments and I really don't know if I can thank you enough. Happy graduation to us, bb!
> 
> ❃ To all of the Baekchenists out there, let me give you a virtual hug bec this is probably the best ship out there.
> 
> ❃ To Baekhyun and Jongdae, the loves of my life, thank you for giving me the will to live. ily more than you love each other
> 
> lil' warnings:  
> 1\. There's excessive use of the words babe, baby, and love. You are warned.  
> 2\. I tried (i really did) my best to be as accurate as master google will allow me - I have no idea about the inner workings of the fashion industry, the medical field/studies, and the entirety of Fiji  
> 3\. LAST! AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, in this universe, you can take medicine as an undergrad course and be a senior associate doctor with specialization in the span of four years.

_April 29, 2019 - Beijing, People’s Republic of China_

 

Jongdae groans as he sinks down his chair. Every part of him wants to sleep already. If he could just sleep just for a couple of seconds or take a sip of coffee, that would be heavenly. Unfortunately, there’s one thing that’s preventing him from doing so.

Work.

Kim Jongdae is the senior anesthesiologist of the biggest hospital in Beijing, Lu’s Medical Institution. He can’t take anything that will make him jittery or else he’ll end up paralyzing someone.

How he managed to be a senior associate in five years? It was practically five years in hell. Five years living off of noodles, one hour of sleep, rude patients, ruder seniors and everything in between. Years of dancing too close to death caused by over exhaustion. Years of seeing his mom trying to fight her tears because Jongdae seems to look skinnier.

Now, Jongdae thought that the hell would finally stop, and he would finally get a less toxic workplace environment; oh, but he was so wrong. In fact, it was way worse. Most surgeons would prefer Jongdae to be their anesthesiologist because of his exceptional skills.

Not to brag but even when he was in college, Jongdae was already popular for his superior skills. Jongdae would often shrug it off and say that it’s just natural in his blood. He came from a family of doctors, his brother; Kim Junmyeon is a neurosurgeon, while his younger brother, Kim Jongin, is a pediatrician. Both were left in Seoul and are working in the same hospital.

Being good doctors are part of the Kim bloodline.

But now, Jongdae regrets being a doctor. Wishing that he rebelled against his parents and followed his passion for music. His paycheck would be way smaller, he wouldn’t get his own office, wouldn’t be able to help thousands of people but the stress that will come with it would be way smaller. And he could just leech off both of his brothers for money.

Damn. He really should’ve rebelled.

Jongdae was so lost in his thoughts that he did not notice one of the interns coming inside his office.

“Doc?” The young but freakishly tall intern asks. Tao.

“Don’t tell me that I have another one.” Jongdae groans. He handled two heart surgeries and a couple of pregnancies today. All he wants is to go home and rest. Jongdae smiles when Tao shakes his head and also beams at him.

“I just came to give your schedule for tomorrow,” Jongdae lets out a sigh of relief and tries to pack up his bags, dismissing Tao with his hands. “I’ll check it tomorrow. You can go now,” Tao beams at him and goes but then Jongdae remembers something—

“Oh wait! Tao!” Tao came running back and disgruntled with wide eyes. Jongdae covers his laugh with the back of his hands. “About your birthday gift?”

Tao perks up and nods. “I already paid it earlier—” Jongdae doesn’t get to finish his sentence when a squealing Tao zooms to him giving him a tight hug that has Jongdae lifted from the floor. Tao being completely too blissed out not minding that he just spun around his senior. Little dizzy, Jongdae laughs with the other.

“Really?” Tao looks at him with big round eyes. The smile on his mouth is about to tear up his face.

Jongdae nods. “I must say, it’s a bit expensive. How many shirts did I buy for you?”

Jongdae, unlike most of his colleagues, is very appreciative with his interns or people getting their residency. He knows how shitty interning is already. Tao has been vocal about wanting this piece of clothing from this brand, but it was too expensive for him. Jongdae agreed on buying it for him; as a birthday gift.

“I just bought one!” Jongdae’s jaw drops. Wow. Spending about 400 USD for a shirt is a bit crazy? Damn. The fashion industry is leeching off on their customers. But if it makes Tao happy and less stressed then Jongdae is happy. Jongdae nods.

“I think it will be here in a couple of days,” Jongdae says and he gives the intern a small nod and proceeds to go to the parking lot of the hospital.

It’s around nine pm and the streets of Beijing are still clogged with traffic. While waiting for the red light. Jongdae spots a humongous billboard of a blonde guy wearing a white sweatshirt with the word Privé written across his chest. Be the designer and also the model of your own clothing brand? Well, that’s honestly something _that guy_ would do. Blonde disheveled hair, eyes sort of hooded and pretty pink lips closed together. His face a bit slimmer, indicating that he clearly lost some weight.

It’s been a while since he saw _him_ . But he would recognize that face, _that guy_ , in any given day.

Just like the first time he laid his eyes on him, the other still manages to take his breath away.

Jongdae was suddenly reminded of why he was working his ass off for the last few years. Work hard enough and that he’d eventually move on. Work hard enough so that his mind would not wander off.

Work was more of a distraction for him.

Distraction from Byun Baekhyun.

He lets out an indignant sigh and the red light turns green as he comes home to his shared apartment, just outside the city.

Their apartment is basically a bachelor’s pad. It has three bedrooms, with its own bathroom inside. It also has a medium size kitchen and a spacious living room. Jongdae shares it with Kim Minseok and Zhang Yixing. Minseok is one of his closest and longest friends. They started being friends when Jongdae was in middle school. Minseok moved into China to be a college professor in philosophy. He wanted a fresh start and left his old life in Seoul and made a new one in Beijing. Jongdae followed him after he got a hard-to-pass deal with the Lu Medical Institution.

Through Jongdae, Minseok met Lu Han. Han is the director of the hospital. Han and Minseok immediately became a thing and are now in their fourth year together. The older boys took pity on Jongdae being the constant third wheel and Han introduced his friend Yixing to him. Yixing is a producer, and they would’ve been an amazing couple. But after a few dates, they decided that they are far better off as friends and not lovers.

Minseok, Han, and Yixing helped Jongdae speak Mandarin and in less than a year he was already fluent. He became so fluent that people would doubt it when he tells them that he’s Korean.

He comes home to Han, Minseok, and Yixing sitting at the dinner table. Eating something that Jongdae doesn’t know but smells heavenly.

Jongdae immediately takes a seat as Minseok stands up to get him some plates. Yixing looks at him warily “You look like death,” he observes. Too tired to give an answer Jongdae just nods and immediately inhales the food Minseok places in front of him. Completely not noticing how all of the three pairs of eyes look at him with concern. Jongdae tries not to fall asleep on his food, but it is so hard with the light buzz of conversation made by the other three.

“With the rate you’re going, you’ll be the one in the hospital bed,” Minseok says.

“That would be amazing, at least I’ll get a vacation,” Jongdae mumbles back.

“Let’s go on a trip” Han blurts out all the sudden. “I’ll pay for all of it.” This causes Jongdae to get out from his sleepy haze and look at Han.

“I can’t—” Han slaps a hand to his mouth, effectively shutting Jongdae up. He shakes his head.

“I’ll make it a paid mandatory vacation. One week,” Han shoots him an agitated look and Jongdae bites back whatever excuse he has. A paid vacation won’t be so bad. In fact, a break from work would practically be the best thing in the world. It’s also a plus that his boss will be the one paying for his trip.

“Choose where you would want to go,” Han asked. “We could go to the Bahamas, Boracay, Bali—”

“Fiji” Jongdae blurts out. All three of them look at him with wide eyes.

“Where?” Yixing asks. He looks like his mind is figuring out if Fiji is even a real place.

“Fiji,” Jongdae says more sternly. “It won’t be as crowded as the places you mentioned but it would be as beautiful. According to Jongin, he went there with Taemin last January. Said it was worth it.”

Minseok eyes him, knowing that Jongdae wants to go there for a completely different reason. Jongdae shoots him an innocent smile. Han, oblivious of their interaction, gives a quick nod and types something in his phone. “Okay, I booked our tickets to Fiji for Wednesday.” Jongdae halts and looks at Han.

“Two days from now?” Jongdae asks. What? Han gives him a quick nod and wow. Jongdae’s brain doesn’t dwell on it as much and just gives him a nod. Han is his boss after all.

“I’ll pack everything for you. Don’t worry. Just stay alive for the next two days.” Minseok tells him. He gave a tiny nod to all of them and goes to his room.

The next day was equally as hellish. His shift should’ve ended at 5 pm but it got extended until midnight because there was an accident that needed surgery that lasted for the next six hours. They managed to save the patient; Doctor Wu, the surgeon, is a great doctor after all.

Around midnight, Jongdae sinks at his chair with a groan. And just like clockwork, Tao comes in with a clipboard in one hand.

“You don’t have any schedule for tomorrow Doc,” Tao says as he scans the clipboard once again. “You’re in a leave until next week Thursday.”

Jongdae just nods. Too tired to even think. “Thanks, you can go now,” Tao gives a quick nod, but he doesn’t move. Jongdae looks at the intern, Tao looks a bit shy and like he wants to say something to Jongdae.

“What is it?” Jongdae asks, sensing that the intern really needs to say something.

“You didn’t have to buy me the whole line,” Tao says. Eyes fixated on his shoes. This causes Jongdae to raise an eyebrow. _What is he on about?_

“I don’t think I can ever repay you,” Tao says, and Jongdae is lost.

“What are you talking about?”

“Thank you for the gift but I don’t think I can accept it; it must’ve cost a fortune,” Tao says.

“Yeah it’s an expensive shirt but it’s okay,” Jongdae says. It didn’t put much of a dent in his paycheck.

“But you bought me the entire line!” Tao says.

“What?” Jongdae says. “I didn’t. I only paid for one shirt.” Now it’s Tao’s time to look confused.

“The delivery came this morning, and it was the entire line,” Tao says. And Jongdae shakes his head. He fishes out his phone and opens his bank app to show him his purchase. But it showed that his purchase for Tao’s shirt cost zero USD.

“There must be a mishap. It shows that the shirt is free. There must be a mistake. Let’s send it all back—”

“NO!” Tao screams, grabbing Jongdae’s wrist that holds his phone, eyes wide as if Jongdae said something crazy. Jongdae gives him a pointed look. “It’s their fault that they sent me their entire line. Doc, I’ll even give you some of the hoodies. Please let’s not send it.”

Tao gives him his puppy eyes that Jongdae can’t resist. Damnit. He’s the doctor here and Tao is the intern. “Come on, it’s Privé.” Tao pleads and Jongdae stops and looks at his intern.

“Privé?”

“You know, this big Korean fashion brand that just lau—”

“I know what Privé is,” Jongdae cuts Tao. Did Baekhyun think that Jongdae was purchasing his shirt for himself and sent him the entire line as a slap at his face? As proof that he’s doing well and that Jongdae is just a mere consumer of his clothing line? The thought makes his blood boil.

“Do whatever you want with them,” Jongdae says with a tight voice and excuses himself out. Asking Tao to lock up his office for him. He comes home and goes directly to his room.

He quickly washes away and lays down on his bed and takes out his phone. He swore to himself that he will not look Baekhyun up, no matter the circumstances. It would be like rubbing salt in the wound he reasons out. Whenever he comes home to Seoul; Chanyeol, his best friend, would gladly inform him whenever he asks about the other. Unfortunately, Jongdae’s mom thinks that informing Jongdae that Baekhyun is now a hotshot designer is a good idea.

He wanted his knowledge of Baekhyun’s life as little as possible, but curiosity wins tonight as he types Byun Baekhyun in the search bar.

Several articles pop up and Jongdae opens the topmost.

**_Privé dominating the Chinese Markets!_ **

_Privé Alliance, one of the top clothing brands in South Korea, has launched its line in China. Despite being only four years old, Privé Alliance has managed to dominate the entire East Asian market and, now the Chinese markets as well. All of its stocks got sold out the minute of its release. Head Designer Byun Baekhyun, says that—_

 

Jongdae stops reading and proceeds on looking through different links. He clicks on another one

 

**_Byun Baekhyun: Asia’s Karl Lagerfeld_ **

_Byun Baekhyun, despite being so young, has managed to quickly make a name for himself in the fashion industry. Teen Vogue calls Privé as the “current must have” and Marie Claire has dubbed Byun as the next Tom Ford. Key, the head designer of SHINee, called Byun as a prodigy._

_“He has a mind that continuously questions boundaries, the kind of mind that can easily change the fashion industry. He’s a genius, my best discovery.” Key says in an interview with GLAMOUR._

_Byun Baekhyun is—_

 

Jongdae once again stops reading and proceeds on scrolling down.

 

**_Two of the most wanted bachelors’ out of the Market?_ **

_Byun Baekhyun was caught in a date with Privé’s model Oh Sehun. The two seemed cozy as they watched Black Panther in the cinemas—_

 

Jongdae stops reading and quickly presses the link that leads to Sehun’s Instagram account. Sehun is hot. Tall and broad, with a pretty face. Arched eyebrows, high nose, slightly plump pink lips, eyes that can easily play from danger to innocence. The more he scrolls through Sehun’s Instagram, the more his self-confidence deteriorates. Sehun even has an adorable dog. Baekhyun loves dogs. Sehun is a living god and Jongdae is just overworked, overstressed, measly doctor. How could he even compete with that?

_Wait. Why do I even need to compete with him?_

Sehun can own Baekhyun for all he cared. He just hated that Baekhyun was in a much better spot than he is. Hated that Baekhyun is in Seoul, living the best life, practically swimming in money with a hot model as a boyfriend.

He sounds pitiful. He really does.

With a groan, Jongdae accidentally presses on a photo that coincidentally has Baekhyun tagged on it. Jongdae _hesitantly_ (willingly) clicks on the black pop up and he’s on Baekhyun’s Instagram profile.

He scrolls down and sees that Baekhyun usually posts about his face or something that has him in it. Jongdae snorts, “Such a narcissist.”

He spots a group photo, it was Baekhyun with Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, Sehun, and Jongin.

 _Jongin_?

Without hesitation, Jongdae exits his safari app and calls Jongin in facetime. After three rings, Jongin picks up – looking disgruntled and in the hospital.

“I can’t believe you can betray me like this after all of the years that I almost broke my back working so that I could send you an allowance,” Jongdae said under one breath. Jongin just shots him a puzzled look.

“Junmyeon hyung was the one giving me an allowance. You paid for my tuition” Jongin informs him.

“That’s not the point! You traitor!” Jongdae snaps. He knows he’s being unreasonable right now and should probably go to sleep instead of wasting his younger brother’s time but—

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I didn’t know you still hang out with this Baekhyun guy.”

“What?” Jongin looks at him.

“I saw a picture of you guys hanging out. Didn’t know that you still hang out with him.”

“Why am I a traitor if I hang out with him? Chanyeol hyung hangs out with him? Do you call him in three in the fucking morning to tell him that he’s a traitor?” Jongin asks, clearly not amused with his brother’s antics.

“Chanyeol _is_ his best friend,” Jongdae reasons out. “Of course, they are _allowed_ to hang out. You’re my brother. That’s different.”

“Junmyeon hyung is Baekhyun hyung’s doctor,” Jongin informs him. “Baekhyun hyung even hangs out with _mom_. For crying out loud. They hang out more than we hang out.”

“Junmyeon hyung has always been a traitor and Mom would adopt Baekhyun if she could—”

“It would be totally weird if you adopt your son’s ex-boyfriend,” Jongin snorts out

Jongdae tries to respond but his brain has finally had enough of his shit and decided to not give Jongdae any snarky comments.

“You were the one who told us that ‘Baekhyun and I are the ones who broke up. Please don’t let it affect your relationship with him’ a couple of years ago.”

He lets out a sigh and mumbles—

“I’m sorry. I just saw Baekhyun in a billboard yesterday and my intern is going crazy for Privé,” he says. “Baekhyun gets to live a life of being rich and famous and I’m just here—”

“Saving lives on a daily basis and doing what you love the most,” Jongin finishes his sentence. “You always seemed to be happy with Baekhyun and the heights Privé was getting. What changed?”

“I think I’m just too stressed and Baekhyun is a good receiving end,” Jongdae admits and they exchange a couple of words. Telling each other not to overwork themselves and to eat properly. Jongdae ends the video call and easily goes to sleep.

 

 

 

He wakes up with Minseok pulling out the covers and shoving him in the bathroom. _Rude._

After a quick shower, he realizes that it is already five in the afternoon. He slept all day, but he still feels sleep deprived. Minseok also set out what he should wear, white hoodie and black sweatpants with a pair of Yeezys. He finds Han, Minseok, and Yixing in the living room. With bags packed and looks like they’re ready to go.

 _Fiji._ He remembers, eyes widening and his jaw-dropping.

“I didn’t—” Jongdae tries but Minseok dismisses him with a hand.

“We know. I packed for you.” Jongdae melts, he really didn’t know what he would do without his mother hen, Kim Minseok.

With a nod, Jongdae and the rest went out of the apartment and they ride a cab to the airport. The flight is almost twelve hours and they would be arriving there at six in the morning. Jongdae makes good work and sleeps for most of the flight. They’re in business class because Han can easily afford it. Han and Minseok seated together, while Jongdae was seated with Yixing who was mixing up some demos in his MacBook.

 

 

 

Once they arrive, Jongdae is suffering from a migraine. Minseok told him that it’s because he’s been sleeping nonstop.

Han didn’t book a hotel but a beach house that has four rooms and the most breathtaking beachfront. After settling, Han informed them that they’ll be hanging in the beach today and start the adventure tomorrow. No one argued and just went with it.

They spent the day playing beach volleyball and occasionally dipping into the water. At one point, Minseok and Han ask to play soccer because Jongdae and Yixing kept on winning. By the end, they all have a healthy tan glow and was exhausted beyond relief. Not a single thought of work slipped through his head and for the first time in years, he thinks he can sleep tonight with a clear head.

But, once again. He was wrong.

They decided to eat at a certain pub while watching the sun as it sets. All shade of oranges and reds were tainting the sky into a grand explosion of colors, some shades of pink and lavender ink through and it was beautiful. Ending the day with the breathtaking sunset is not enough for Minseok though. He wanted to check out the local bars, drink a couple of beers and call it a night.

They settle for a bar named “ _KO KO BOP_ ”. Bright colors and lively music greet them when they enter, the bar is not as crowded and is more on the chill side. They settle on a booth and Minseok offers to get the first round. It’s been almost a year since he last tasted beer and Jongdae missed it too much he moans the moment the bitter taste touches his lips.

Yixing swats him and tells him about public indecency. Jongdae just laughs and continues to drink. Oh gosh, he misses the taste so much. They fall into an easy conversation, as Han tells them about the itinerary for tomorrow and the things that they could do in Fiji. After a few rounds, Jongdae volunteers to get the next round, while Minseok and Han go to the bathroom. Together. Yay for subtlety.  He goes to the bar and orders a bucket to their table; the bartender says that he’ll send a waiter because he observes that Jongdae is no longer sober enough to carry 12 bottles of beer.

Jongdae gives him a smile and also a tip. And proceeds to go back to their booth. Until Jongdae bumps into a very tall figure, they both mutter their apologies but Jongdae realizes he knows that voice. Deep and rasp. He looks up to see the person who he bumped with and he sees a surprised Park Chanyeol looking down at him. Jongdae is suddenly engulfed in a hug that will suffocate him when the other doesn’t let go.

Chanyeol, him, and Baekhyun have been best friends ever since they were in diapers. They shared all of their childhood memories together. When they were in high school, all three of them would always suffer detention for being way too noisy and disrupting the class. Even when Jongdae and Baekhyun started dating in senior high; Chanyeol didn’t mind. In fact, he was the one who got his two extremely pinning idiotic best friends to finally confess to each other.

Even when he and Baekhyun broke up and when Jongdae moved to China, Chanyeol and Jongdae remained constantly in touch. Chanyeol would always try to mend things between Jongdae and Baekhyun, but each attempt was a failed cause, courtesy of Jongdae.

“What are you doing here?” Chanyeol asks still hugging Jongdae like a bear.

“Vacation. My boss paid for it for me, why are you here?” Chanyeol finally loses his grip and answers, “Well, one of my friends wanted to celebrate their birthday here. What a coincidence!” Chanyeol’s tone was the normal one, but Jongdae can pick up a sudden spike of nervousness.

“Which friend?” Jongdae can’t remember any of Chanyeol’s friends to be rich enough for a birthday getaway. Chanyeol just laughs it out and Jongdae was about to ask again—

“I found him!” He hears from Chanyeol’s back and then out of nowhere, there pops Kyungsoo. He was looking at Chanyeol, not noticing Jongdae. Chanyeol was also eyeing him warily and something unpleasant settles on Jongdae’s stomach.

He remembers who of Chanyeol’s friends can afford the birthday getaway and also has his birthday in the first week of May.

“I found Baekhyun! He’s flirting with this guy in one of the…” Kyungsoo’s voice fades as he turns to Jongdae. Jongdae watches Kyungsoo’s eyes as it turns from amusement to panic. “Hi, Jongdae!” He croaks.

Kyungsoo is Chanyeol’s boyfriend. If it weren’t for Jongdae, they wouldn’t have met. Jongdae was visiting Seoul for a week and asked Chanyeol to meet him up in this brand-new café named _Universe_ , which was a few blocks away from Chanyeol’s bar, _Drop that_. Kyungsoo was the owner of Universe and it went uphill from there. Now, they’re on their fourth year together.

“Hello, Kyungsoo.” He smiles at the younger and gives Chanyeol a pointed look. “You could’ve told me that it was Baekhyun, I don’t mind.”

The couple both share a forced laugh and Jongdae rolls his eyes.

“Sure, you won’t,” Kyungsoo says as he settles on Chanyeol’s side. Chanyeol’s hand easily hooks on Kyungsoo’s waist.

“Do you want to join us? I’m with Minseok hyung and Yixing hyung.” He informs them.

“It’s been a while since I saw Minseok hyung!” Chanyeol exclaims and follows Jongdae. When Jongdae returns he sees that both Han and Minseok are still not back. But he finds Yixing talking to another guy, as they approach. Jongdae’s heart stops as he realizes who Yixing was talking to. He stops causing Chanyeol to bump on him.

“What the hell…” Chanyeol starts to complain but his words die down when he sees what Jongdae is seeing. Jongdae hears a faint ‘oh’ coming from Chanyeol.

Yixing was just his normal self. He knows when Yixing flirts because he has been the receiving end of it. Thankfully, Yixing was not flirting with the other, he’s just trying to not come off as rude.

The other, however, his body was leaning towards Yixing, the sly smiles and subtle touches on Yixing’s knees. The glint in his eyes was screaming with intention. Intention to get laid. Jongdae sighs. He has been the receiving end of his flirtatious attacks far too long and he’s a bit disappointed that he never changed his strategy. It’s pity, the weird and a bit painful feeling spreading in Jongdae’s chest right now. It’s pity. Not Jealousy.

Not jealousy.

“I think this is not a good idea…” Chanyeol comments and Kyungsoo hums in agreement, he can hear the concern in both of their voices. Jongdae shakes his head and looks at both of them. Mustering up a smile.

“I think… it’s not a good idea but it’s about time, right? It’s about six years since we last talked,” Jongdae says, head cocked to one side. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo give him a hesitant smile. Kyungsoo pushes Chanyeol in front and yanks Jongdae against him.

“You go there first and stop Baekhyun from hopping on that poor soul,” Kyungsoo instructs Chanyeol while he drags Jongdae from the opposite direction. Confused, Jongdae looks at Kyungsoo—

“I think you need to take a walk first and loosen up a bit. Baekhyun is already drunk— you can’t face your ex flirting with one of your roommates, sober.” Kyungsoo informs him. Kyungsoo grabs two beers from a table and drags him outside. They seat at the pavement, looking over the streets. The streets are not busy nor polluted. Unlike in Beijing where Jongdae would be suffocating if he does this in there.

“Baekhyun will sober up when he sees me,” Jongdae supplies. He takes a swig at his beer and Kyungsoo does the same.

“Are you really sure you’re okay with this? With meeting him, again?” Kyungsoo asks, looking at him with his wide eyes. Jongdae shakes his head.

“But, it’s Baekhyun and he would probably just joke about our break up. Like it didn’t affect him at all,” Jongdae mutter before taking another huge gulp. He enjoys how the alcohol slowly burns through his lungs. “It probably didn’t.”

“It probably did,” Kyungsoo assures him and Jongdae laughs.

“Have he ever asked about me?” Jongdae asks and Kyungsoo lips press into a thin line. Before Kyungsoo can reason out, Jongdae stands up and offers his hand.

“Come on, let me face one of my demons tonight,” Jongdae says and Kyungsoo just rolls his eyes. They enter the bar and go to the booth. Sehun was also there too and Jongdae suddenly feels insecure. Pictures don’t really do him justice because, wow this boy is breathtaking, and he also has his arms wrapped around Baekhyun as they keep on whispering things to each other. Yixing is in a discussion with Chanyeol, probably something about music. Han and Minseok came back just right now and Jongdae watches as how Minseok locks eyes with Baekhyun and how Baekhyun halts. Sehun also loosens his grip around Baekhyun.

Jongdae and Kyungsoo have no idea on how they’ll approach the table, but a drunk Han solves it for them as the older suddenly screams his name causing everyone in the booth to turn to look at him.

Jongdae catches the exact moment Baekhyun sees him. How his eyes go comically wide and how his jaw unhinges. His face going pale as if Jongdae was some scary creature.

Maybe in Baekhyun’s mind, Jongdae is.

He and Kyungsoo slowly approach their booth and pull some chair along the way because it was already full. Jongdae notices that Sehun’s arms are no longer wrapped around Baekhyun and that Baekhyun was still staring at him.

“Hi” Jongdae smiles looking at Sehun, who returns his smile and then he looks at Baekhyun, who stares at him dumbly. Jongdae ignores the loud beating of his heart, or the way his hands are trembling, or the way he is breaking into cold sweats.

Damn.

Baekhyun still has this power over him.

After a momentarily stand still between them, Baekhyun composes himself and smiles at Jongdae. “Hey.” He says with a square grin and his eyes forming into crescents. Still adorable.

“Who are they?” Yixing asks in Mandarin. Motioning at both Sehun and Baekhyun “The tall one looks familiar. The short one is flirty but also familiar.”

Minseok lets out a small laugh and mumbles a “He really doesn’t change” (in Mandarin)

“Remember my ex?” Jongdae asks in Mandarin. It’s cute how the other four looks at them in confusion, trying to decipher what they’re saying. “He’s the flirty one. I think he’s dating the tall one” Both Han and Yixing sport surprised faces while eyeing Baekhyun.

“Can’t you guys like, talk back in Korean?” Chanyeol says and all of them laugh. The conversation goes easy, it was clear that Baekhyun and Jongdae are uncomfortable; judging from how quiet they both are. Even Kyungsoo was adding comments on whatever topic they are talking about. They talk about almost everything, trying to get to know each other.

Jongdae knew that things will go downhill when they started playing a drinking game. It started when Kyungsoo and Sehun keep on claiming that they are the ones that have the highest tolerance among them.

Han was just laughing at them because he knows that no one can beat the alcohol tolerance of his boyfriend. Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and Jongdae learned that the hard way when they were just too curious sixteen-year-olds, who were practically light weights, challenged Junmyeon and Minseok into a drinking fest. The three of them were already shitfaced when Minseok was not even tipsy.

So, when Sehun asked to play “Never have I ever” with the intention of getting Kyungsoo drunk, everybody just agreed. Because honestly, who wouldn’t want to see a drunk Kyungsoo? Kyungsoo being the smug little fighter penguin that he is, wanted to see the youngest eat up his words.

The game first started with Han’s bold statement of “Never have I ever had an orgy,” their group erupted with a chorus of gasps and waves of laughter when both Yixing and Sehun poured themselves their shots and drunk straight up. The next set of never have I evers was a stream of different questions related to sex.

And Jongdae doesn’t know if he’s mortified or delighted.

The first round revealed that Minseok never had a one-night stand, Baekhyun and Yixing have a hyung kink, Chanyeol and Sehun loves role play, Sehun never bottomed, and Kyungsoo’s first boyfriend was Chanyeol.

The second round, the group was divided into two; Sehun, Jongdae, Han, and Baekhyun wanted to see a drunk Kyungsoo. While Chanyeol, Yixing, Minseok, and Kyungsoo wanted to see a drunk Sehun. It seems that both of them are a lot noisier when they're tipsy. Kyungsoo was a lot clingier to Jongdae now and Sehun was also leaning more to Baekhyun. Head resting on Baekhyun’s broad shoulders and Baekhyun’s hand wrapped around Sehun. Not that Jongdae was observing them, it was more of like unintended fleeting glances.

Although Jongdae would be lying if he said that he did not notice Baekhyun’s looking at him. He shoots Jongdae looks that are filled with regret and longing whenever he thinks Jongdae’s not looking.

That was always the problem, Jongdae always, always, notices Baekhyun.

Even if he didn’t want to.

Jongdae thought he could survive the night without having to interact with Baekhyun, but the thought goes down the drain when Sehun says, sending a smirk at Kyungsoo, “Never had I ever made out with Chanyeol.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and poured himself a shot mumbling a “Running out of questions already kid?” before downing all of it in one go.

What everybody didn’t expect is Baekhyun grabbing his beer and also pouring a shot. The whole booth went quiet, all (even Chanyeol and Jongdae) eyeing Baekhyun warily, Jongdae can feel Kyungsoo freeze. Baekhyun was just looking at the shot, not drinking it just yet.

“I thought… I thought you two were just platonic? That you never have done those things” Kyungsoo asked Chanyeol, eyes screaming betrayal and voice unstable.

“I thought he was Jongdae’s ex?” Yixing asks Minseok in mandarin and the older just answers with a shrug and a “Their friendship has always been… _fluid_.”

Chanyeol told Jongdae that Kyungsoo didn’t want to date him because Kyungsoo was convinced that Chanyeol and Baekhyun were mutually pinning each other. It took a lot of convincing, promising, and swearing from Chanyeol and Baekhyun for Kyungsoo to give their relationship a shot, but it didn’t mean that he was still not worried about the two.

Jongdae was also holding his breath, Baekhyun and Chanyeol never mentioned that they made out.

They made out after we broke up, Jongdae hastily concludes. _They fucking made out while Jongdae was suffering so much?_ Why didn’t Chanyeol tell him? He would’ve understood. He would—

Jongdae was pulled out from his thoughts when Baekhyun took the shot glass and stood up, leaning over the table and placing the glass in front of Jongdae.

“Drink up, Princess,” Baekhyun orders Jongdae. Jongdae’s eyebrows arch up with the pet name.

He and Chanyeol promised not to talk about the kiss ever again.

It happened such a long time ago, Jongdae repressed the memory for so long that forgot that it happened.

But Baekhyun remembered.

Taking a deep breath, Jongdae was about to give Baekhyun an earful but,

“WHAT” Han cuts through. Eyeing both Chanyeol and Jongdae. Chanyeol looks like he was a kid caught stealing candy. Jongdae can feel Kyungsoo’s gaze, also darting between them and Chanyeol. If everybody was shocked a while ago, they’re a lot more shocked right now.

Well, except for Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Jongdae. Jongdae is contemplating on completely ignoring the shot made by Baekhyun and pouring his own but, that would make him look bitter.

If he’s no longer affected, he can definitely drink a shot poured by Baekhyun. Jongdae grabbed the shot glass and drunk it straight up. He then looked at Baekhyun—

“You really made out?” Kyungsoo asks in disbelief.

“It wasn’t like that!” Chanyeol defends – oh god, Kyungsoo will get paranoid with him too?

“We were drunk” Jongdae tries to defend Chanyeol.

“You weren’t” Baekhyun quips back, earning a glare from both Jongdae and Chanyeol. “But it really wasn’t like that.” Baekhyun tries to appease a now sober (and lethal) Kyungsoo.

“You remembered?” Chanyeol asks Baekhyun and the other boy just laughs while nodding.

“How can I forget? It was the night that changed our lives,”

“Tell us the story,” Sehun demands. Chanyeol was about to tell the story but Jongdae cuts him because he knows Chanyeol will go on full details and Jongdae doesn’t want to expose the whole story.

“Chanyeol was confused if he was straight” Jongdae starts. “So, he asked me if I could kiss him - to like clarify his preference or something. Being the great best friend that I am, I agreed. Alcohol was involved, the kiss escalated quickly, and we ended up making out. It ended there; Chanyeol figured out that he likes kissing boys more—”

“And Baekhyun figured out that he was in love with Jongdae,” Chanyeol adds, devious smile plastered on his face. Sehun made an “ooh” sound and both Han and Yixing looked amused. Minseok? Not so much. Baekhyun just laughed, as if the memory was replaying at his head.

“The point is” Jongdae chooses to ignore the very unnecessary information “It was a one-time thing,” He looks at Kyungsoo to assure him, but the other gave him a knowing smile. The game went on, but Jongdae’s mind drifted to the night he and Chanyeol made out. Now, he didn’t even notice that Baekhyun was looking directly at him.

 

 

_July 7, 2008 - Seoul, South Korea_

Jongdae was looking forward to this party. It was thrown by Tiffany, who was a college kid, and for Jongdae, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun who were just juniors in high school. To be invited to a college kids’ party was sort of a big deal. These are the rare times that he was so so grateful that he was (forced) to accompany Junmyeon visit the university he’s enrolling at next school year. They were then invited by Junmyeon’s upperclassmen-friends to the party.

Everything was going amazing – Jongdae was having a blast playing beer pong with Yoona, Joohyun, and Jinki. The three of them pouring tips for Jongdae on things to do before coming to college. Chanyeol and Baekhyun were probably somewhere within the house.

Until someone was yanking Jongdae away from the table. Jongdae being a little bit tipsy from playing stumbled but was luckily caught by Baekhyun.

Baekhyun’s grin will probably rip his face open. Pretty thin lips stretched to the maximum with a grin so wide. He looks so beautiful, Jongdae’s heart could burst.

Baekhyun is one of those few people who doesn’t look ridiculous with pink hair – now his hair matches the blush on his cheeks. His eyes are oozing with excitement that Jongdae can’t help but smile too. The stars, moon, and sun will not even compare with Baekhyun’s smile and to have it directed to Jongdae was heaven itself.

“Jongdae!” Baekhyun exclaims and Jongdae can feel his heart flutter and his stomach be infested with butterflies. Jongdae loves that he and Baekhyun were practically the same height but Baek is broad that he can easily hold Jongdae up. It seems like a habit for his brain now to think how much better his life would be if Baekhyun was his.

“She said yes!” Baekhyun gleefully chirps. And then Jongdae’s world stops spinning, his heart drops down to the floor.

“What?” He tries not to sound disappointed. He really did.

“Taeyeon noona! She said yes! We’re going on a date tomorrow!”

“Oh,” Jongdae says, voice barely above a whisper, and suddenly he feels dizzy. It also seems like a habit that his brain keeps on forgetting that Baekhyun is straight. Baekhyun’s gaze at Jongdae shifts from excitement to concern and Jongdae’s heart stops once again.

“Hey, are you okay?” Baekhyun asks, voice thick with concern.

_Oh, how easy would this be if Baekhyun doesn’t care for me at all._

“I need to like, sit down. I’m not really feeling well” Jongdae slurs. His brain was going haywire, as if he’s mentally preparing himself to see Baekhyun going on dates with Taeyeon, to watch Baekhyun fall further in love with her, to help Baekhyun with their wedding preparations because he’s the best man, to hold Baekhyun’s kid who looks exactly like him, and to just stand through all of it; playing the role of the best friend that is not in love with him.

Jongdae can feel a headache starting—

“Okay, I see Chanyeol there on the couch, let’s get you there. Okay?” Baekhyun drags Jongdae to the couch. Chanyeol was there looking like he’s not better than Jongdae is, with his face flushed and a goofy smile on his face.

“Daedae! Baekhyunnie!” The youngest exclaims. Arms immediately opening up to cradle Jongdae at his lap. Jongdae tucks himself under Chanyeol’s chin and crawls into a small ball while Chanyeol wraps his arms around him.

“I’ll just say goodbye to Taeyeon noona and let’s go. Jongdae is a little out of the weather,” Baekhyun tells them and goes. When Baekhyun was far enough-

“I’m guessing that Taeyeon noona agreed on going on a date with him?” Chanyeol asks in a deep voice, making sure that Jongdae is the only one who can hear. Jongdae closes his eyes and presses himself further in Chanyeol’s chest. Chanyeol is the only person who knows that Jongdae is in love with Baekhyun.

Chanyeol cornered him one day telling him that he knows the kind of glances he was giving Baekhyun. That he’s sick of watching Jongdae looking like a love-struck puppy who is not courageous enough to own up with his feelings. That day, Jongdae told him that he had been crushing on Baekhyun ever since they were kids, the crush developed through the years and now he’s here hopelessly pinning on his best friend.

“I don’t think he likes her though,” Chanyeol proceeds.

“Do you hear the amount of times he talks about her?” Jongdae asks voice muffled in Chanyeol’s chest. Baekhyun talks about Taeyeon _all the time_. Taeyeon noona this, Taeyeon noona that. How amazingly good Taeyeon noon on everything she does. It went to the point that Jongdae knows a big amount of information about Taeyeon noona, that he can pass off as someone that’s crushing on her.

But, Chanyeol being the captain of the BaekDae ship, insists that the feeling is mutual. That Baekhyun is either in denial or blind.

“How many times do I have to tell you? Baekhyun doesn’t want to talk about the ones he likes - he thinks he’ll get caught or something,” Jongdae lets out a huff through his nose. “You just don’t see how he looks at you. He looks at you like you’re his entire universe.”

“What part of him being straight don’t you understand?”

“The part where Baekhyun loves walking around using my sister’s clothes and asking for a wig for his last birthday,” Chanyeol snaps back. Okay, Baekhyun might not be the straightest person, but if he still claims that he’s straight then we could only take his word for it. Forcing your friends out is probably the worst thing in life. “Speaking of straight, I don’t think I am”

“You are what?”

“Straight.”

Jongdae perks up and looks at Chanyeol. “What?”

“I’m not sure… but we played this drinking game called paranoia a while ago and I ended up kissing this Heechul guy and Tiffany and I seem to like Heechul and I don’t know. I thought I’m straight but, I don’t think I am straight in the first place because of the amount of Rilakkuma plushies I have. Have I been lying to myself?  I think I’m no longer straight—” Jongdae cups his face which causes Chanyeol’s rambling to stop. His eyes were unsteady and Jongdae can see the panic screaming from it.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Jongdae says calmly. He knows the horrors of what Chanyeol was going through. “I’m here. We’ll figure it out. I’ll help you figure it out.”

Chanyeol looks at him with hopeful eyes and Jongdae just beams at him.

“Can you help me figure it out by kissing me?” Chanyeol asks tentatively. “I’m- I don’t know- I… you don’t have too… Dae-” Jongdae doesn’t know either but he plunges in and kisses Chanyeol quiet. It was supposed to be a chaste kiss but Chanyeol started moving and Jongdae just went on with it.

There wasn’t this zing that came with it. But, Chanyeol was definitely a good kisser. Just about when Jongdae opens his mouth so that Chanyeol can snake his tongue inside, he was being yanked away from Chanyeol by a wild looking Baekhyun. This causes Jongdae to stand up.

Baekhyun looks annoyed, irritated, and angry. His eyes were screaming death, lips pressed in a thin line, and he’s breathing deeply through his nose. His death grip on Jongdae’s forearm is starting to hurt, and if Baekhyun will grip a little further he can probably rip though Jongdae skin.

Jongdae, through years of experience, knew to never mess with an angry Baekhyun because all hell will break loose.

But Baekhyun quickly releases him to look at Chanyeol, he grabs Chanyeol’s collar and pushes him up. It would’ve been funny to look at since Chanyeol is so tall and Baekhyun is _tiny_. But Baekhyun is angry right now, for what reason? Jongdae has no idea. The next thing Jongdae knows, Baekhyun punches Chanyeol’s jaw, that causes Chanyeol to stumble back on the couch – unconscious.

Before Jongdae can even respond, he was pulled by someone else. Junmyeon. Everything goes blurry afterward.

 

 

_May 2, 2019- Nadi Island, Fiji_

“Is that okay to you, Jongdae?” Yixing asks, eyeing him fondly.

“Yeah it’s okay,” Jongdae says dumbly. He was too busy recalling the memory he has no idea what he agreed to.

“Really?” Minseok asks. Eyes guarded and brows quirked up.

“That’s settled then!” Chanyeol exclaims. “We’ll see you guys tomorrow! Can’t believe you agreed easily, I thought you’d put up a fight”

Now, Jongdae was confused. “Baekhyun asked you guys if you wanted to join us for the rest of the trip. You agreed” Kyungsoo supplies and Jongdae freezes.

“Unless you guys are uncomfortable? I’d understand” Baekhyun says to Minseok but he knows that it was intended to him. A smirk playing at his lips and his face were posing a challenge.

Jongdae knows this look. Knows that Baekhyun is riling him up. Pressing his buttons - wanting Jongdae to crack and admit that - yes, Baekhyun still makes him uncomfortable because he can still easily get under his skin even after all these years of not talking.

“No problem at all,” Jongdae replies, trying to copy Baekhyun’s smug expression.

What Jongdae didn’t expect was Baekhyun lighting up and full on smiling at him. Eyes crinkling and cheeks bulging out. As if he was genuinely happy that Jongdae agreed. They bid their goodbyes and Jongdae went to their respective places to crash on.

Jongdae was way too tired to even check out the clothes that Minseok packed him. After washing up, he randomly grabbed a white sweatshirt and a pair of boxers and went to bed. Thankfully, he was tired enough that he sleeps immediately.

Jongdae’s wake up call is in the form of Park Chanyeol, flickering open the lights, dragging away the covers, and laughing like a mad man as Jongdae groans. It felt like he barely got any sleep.

“I could’ve been naked in there!” Jongdae screams as he buries his face in the pillow, in an attempt to get a few more minutes of sleep. He first checks his phone and it’s not even five am yet.

“I saw you naked way too many times to even care,” Chanyeol says as he grabs Jongdae’s ankle and starts to tickle the pads of his foot. This causes Jongdae to jolt and kick Chanyeol.

“Wake up doc. Sunrises in Fiji are known to be the best in the world” Chanyeol says, letting go of his foot because Jongdae can really pass off like a horse with all the kicking. Jongdae, being the stubborn person that he is, shakes his head. “Go watch it without me, I want to sleep! I barely get any sleep Yeollie. I call you on the regular to rant about not getting enough sleep.”

“If you’re going to sleep, you should’ve stayed in Beijing!” Chanyeol reasons as he grabs Jongdae’s ankle and tugs it. Jongdae remained face planted at the bed. “Wake the fuck up or I’ll ask Baekhyun to wake you up and drag your lazy ass out here,” Chanyeol threatens and Jongdae immediately springs up. Jongdae chooses to ignore the wide grin in the idiot’s face and goes directly to the kitchen.

The smell of toasted bread and some eggs greets him. He sees Minseok, Kyungsoo, and Baekhyun siteating at the table. Han and Yixing are probably doing their work out routine. Jongdae spots a long flat bread like pita, some jams and butter at the table. Kyungsoo sees him first and flashes Jongdae his signature heart-shaped smile. He looks adorable with his square thick-rimmed glasses. Minseok and Baekhyun turn to look at Jongdae. Minseok looks adorable with his silver hair all fluffed up. While, Baekhyun, well Baekhyun, always looked amazing even with morning hair.  He’s wearing thin rose gold glasses and a loose black hoodie. Jongdae definitely notices how Baekhyun’s eyes studying him, and how his eyes seemingly stopped at Jongdae’s chest.

Weird.

He sits beside Kyungsoo and across Minseok.

“Do you want any coffee? Tea?” Kyungsoo asks, but Jongdae shakes his head.

“I don’t drink anything caffeinated,” and Kyungsoo looks at him as if he said something horrifying. “I work with a lot of needles and veins and spinal cords, so yeah - steady hands are a requirement,” Jongdae explains.

“I’ll just get you water then,” Kyungsoo says as he stands up. Jongdae looks at the food. Especially the flatbread.

“It’s _Roti_ , like a Fijian bread staple. You spread some butter or jam in it,” Minseok says as he stands up too. “I’ll just go check with Han and Xing,”

Jongdae nods and looks at the bread. Following Minseok’s instructions on spreading some coconut jam in it. Jongdae knows that Baekhyun, looks like he already finished eating, and has every reason to stand up and leave him to eat alone but instead, Baekhyun remain planted where he is and is spreading strawberry jam on the bread.

However, the air is so thick and awkward between them, Jongdae sighs in relief when Kyungsoo seats at the table, bringing Jongdae his water. Chanyeol followed in a little while, briefly telling them that the sunrise is in 30 minutes.

But, of course, Chanyeol will be a sneaky person and coaxed Kyungsoo on doing something that causes them to exit the scene. Kyungsoo hesitantly left a silently pleading Jongdae. Chanyeol just flashed him a smile and leaves.

Damn it Chanyeol.

“So, for once Chanyeol succeeded on making us talk with each other” Jongdae breaks the ice. But, Baekhyun was just looking at him. Jongdae tries again, “So how are you? You look good,``he comments. He just doesn’t look good, Baekhyun looks amazing. Like always.

The compliment seems to pass through Baekhyun as he just looks at Jongdae. Eyes filled with something that Jongdae can’t discern.

“Baekhyun? You could just say that you don’t want to talk to me, you can just say it,” Baekhyun would always give Jongdae a cold shoulder whenever he makes a mistake. Maybe he was regretting on inviting Jongdae to join them?

Giving up, Jongdae tries to stand up and go.

But, Baekhyun was quick to catch his wrist. He looks at Baekhyun’s slim and pretty fingers wrapped around his wrist and then he locks eyes with Baekhyun.

“I miss you”

And Jongdae forgets how to breathe. His body forgets how to function. His brain is shutting down. All Jongdae can do is look at Baekhyun. Baekhyun with his sincere eyes and cute pouty lips, that has a cute little mole at the side. He tries to reply with an “I don’t” but all his words were stuck at his throat.

Because his brain knows that he did. He missed Baekhyun way too much. He didn’t just miss his ex-boyfriend, he missed the one he spent the majority of his life with, the one he could blindly trust with his life, the one he was willing to give up everything for.

All of those nights spent thinking if Baekhyun was feeling the same way if Baekhyun was missing him too. Of wishing that Baekhyun missed him too.

And here he was, saying he missed Jongdae. His heart was definitely not threatening to jump out of his rib cage.

Baekhyun releases his hand and sits again. Leaving Jongdae awkwardly standing. Jongdae’s too scared to talk, his words might betray him. His mouth might spill how much he missed the other.

“You do know, you need to say something back to make this” he vaguely gestures between them “a conversation,” He sips some of his coffee and bites into his sandwich. Jongdae rolls his eyes and takes back his seat.

“Rolling your eyes doesn't count as talking,” Baekhyun says as he checks something in his phone.

“No character development happened to you. I see,” Jongdae remarks as he prepares another sandwich for himself. Baekhyun just smiles and looks at him.

“I’ll be honest, I’m shocked that you didn’t try to choke me the moment you saw me,” Baekhyun jokes. “But then again, your hands are so small, I bet it can’t even wrap around my neck,”

“I’m a doctor, I can easily kill you with a needle if I want to,” Jongdae bites back. Seeing Baekhyun’s face go pale makes Jongdae smile. This playful banter is a good distraction from his rapidly beating heart. “So, how are you? From what I see Privé is doing successfully.” Baekhyun looks at Jongdae once again, studying him; eyes darting from his face to his chest and to his face again.

“Yeah it kinda is,” Baekhyun says shyly. A faint blush was creeping on his cheeks.

“You can't go around and charge a single shirt for a couple of hundreds of dollars and say that it is _kinda successful_ ,” Jongdae mocks and Baekhyun huffs out a laugh.

“Well, I have a great team behind me,” Baekhyun explains. “How about you? How’s the whole doctor thing going for you?”

“Well, there are a lot of patients and stressful work hours. And a lot of patients,” Jongdae is slightly getting stressed out just the mere thought of his work. “It's basically the boring stuff,” he concludes.

“The important stuff” Baekhyun corrects.

 

 

_October 15, 2013 - Seoul, South Korea_

Jongdae was laying on the couch, legs bent to support his notebook as he reviews his notes for his test for tomorrow. Too engrossed with memorizing, he remained oblivious to his boyfriend sneaking up and taking away his notes as he plants himself on Jongdae’s lap. Causing him to straighten out his leg; as he watches Baekhyun lay on top of him, head snugly pillowed at his chest. He peers up and Jongdae’s heart will never get used to how beautiful Baekhyun is. How the soft fluffy blonde hair frames his pretty face, how there’s this omnipresent glint in his eyes. Jongdae really can’t believe that he was lucky enough to have Baekhyun not just as his best friend but also as his boyfriend.

“I'm tired-” Baekhyun says with a cute little pout. His hands planted against Jongdae’s collarbones, and instinctively Jongdae’s hands settle at the small of his back, effectively wrapping Baekhyun up.

“Okay, you can go and sleep on my bed,” Jongdae tells him as Baekhyun rests his head back in his chest.

“But you are comfortable and warm and I love it like this” Baekhyun reasons out with his cute little voice that he knows Jongdae is weak for. Damn it.

“Baek- I have an exam on laws” He tries to push off Baekhyun but the other was insistent on clinging to Jongdae.

“Laws? If I remember correctly I'm dating a med student.”

“Yeah, we kinda study about the law? Judicial consequences of malpractice and the privacy of the patients. The important stuff,” the statement causes Baekhyun to perk up once again. Eyes wide in shock, as if Jongdae was saying something offensive.

“The boring stuff” The older corrects. He goes back to his original position, eyes closing as if he’s really preparing to sleep. “I'm the important stuff” he declares and Jongdae tries not to roll his eyes. He really tried. The action earns a light smack from Baekhyun. “Yah! I can feel you rolling your eyes! You know.”

Jongdae swears Baekhyun has this weird radar for eyerolls. Jongdae tightens his grip on Baekhyun’s waist and leans up to plant a kiss on Baekhyun’s hair. The older one sighed in contentment and Jongdae feels like he’d melt. “I love you, but, I need to study.”

“I love you too but you need to take a nap, you've been studying since this morning and it's already three pm,” Baekhyun shifts so now he is the one laying on the couch and Jongdae is the one pressed at his chest. One leg hooked at his hips while arms wrapped around his waist, effectively caging his boyfriend. “Come on, I need Jongdae time.”

Jongdae sighs in defeat and shifts a little to get himself comfortable. Baekhyun’s chest has always been the best pillow for him. He closes his eyes, “Nap and then let me study afterward,” he attempts

“Nap and then dinner, and then sleep”

“Baek-” He whines.

“Okay, a bit of dicking and then we go to sleep”

“BAEK!” He squeaks as he slaps the other’s shoulder and thank God his face was buried on the other’s chest, hiding his flushed face. He can feel the vibrations on Baekhyun’s chest as the other laughs “You’re insatiable. You’re hopeless.”

“Hopelessly in love with your ass? Damn right I am!” The other says as he playfully slaps Jongdae’s ass, earning another squeak from him.

 

_May 2, 2019 - Nadi Island, Fiji_

Damn. If simple words such as “important” and “boring” are triggering his memories then he really needs to stay away from Baekhyun as much as possible. The air falls thick once again as they both fall silent.

“You guys are here early,” Jongdae starts conversationally.

“Yeah, our hotel is just a ten-minute walk from here. And you know Chanyeol and his weird obsession with the golden hour, so yeah - we texted Minseok hyung and said that it’s also part of your itinerary.” Baekhyun explains. Jongdae just nods, really not knowing what to say.

Thankfully Chanyeol comes back, with a knowing smile on his face. “I'm amazed that you two managed to talk to each other without ripping each other's throats,” He comments, patting each of them in the back. “You've grown up to be mature individuals. Mama Park is proud for raising you guys,” he says as he wipes away fake tears from his eyes.

“I RAISED THE BOTH OF YOU!” Baekhyun shouts as he stands up. “I fed you guys, become a good hyung for the both of you-”

“Excuse me?” Jongdae says, not believing what he’s hearing. “I raised both of you, being the mature and quiet one who always endured both of your antics! Dotting at the both of you-”

“When were you quiet?!” Chanyeol looks at him in disbelief. “I was the one who made sure that both of you attended your classes!” But before the argument goes on further Kyungsoo comes inside the kitchen, unamused.

“For the love of god you three grew up together,” Kyungsoo deadpans. “I used to wonder what will happen if I see you three hanging out but now, I changed my mind.

“The sun rises in 10 minutes- the others are waiting for you three outside.”

The three of them scramble to go outside. The sun was a few minutes from rising and Chanyeol wasn’t really lying when he said that the sunrise in Fiji can take your breath away. As the sun peak from the horizon, the sky is painted a variety of colors; orange, yellow, red, and streaks of white clouds add to the complete contrast. The view was similar to yesterday’s sunset but the feeling was altogether different. It was a whole lot more refreshing. Jongdae was so enamored that he didn’t know that Baekhyun was already beside him.

“I wasn’t lying with what I said earlier,” Baekhyun tells him, Jongdae looks at him and it was such a bad idea because Baekhyun was practically glowing. The gold tint from the sun makes Baekhyun look like he was an angel, ethereal and timeless. It takes all of Jongdae’s self-control to avert his eyes and look back at the sunrise.

“I really miss you.”

“I don’t know if I can say it back” Jongdae rasps out.

“I don’t blame you,” Baekhyun agrees. A comfortable silence settles between the two of them until Baekhyun breaks it once again.

“I don’t think I said it enough but I really am sorry. For you know… fucking _us_ up. If I could turn back time-”

“Don’t” Jongdae cuts him, shaking his head. “No matter how hard it was, I’m genuinely glad that we broke up.” With that Jongdae leaves the others and goes back to the house.

 

 

_May 9, 2014 - Seoul, South Korea_

Jongdae comes home from his classes only to see Baekhyun at his drawing table. Baekhyun has been working nonstop to make all of his designs and plates go beyond perfect. His professors like him and are expecting something above average from him and being a   student - you really need to impress them to get a killer recommendation letter. Especially in the world of fashion, where connections are like a lifeline for them. But, with the amount of crumpled paper circling around him and the continuous groans of frustration. You don’t have to be his boyfriend to tell that he’s stressed. And a stressed Baekhyun forgets to provide himself the basics of living, therefore stressing Jongdae out.

Jongdae sighs as he goes to the kitchen to prepare some dinner for both of them. When he’s done, Baekhyun was still focused on his work. Jongdae waits until Baekhyun sets down his pencil and then back hugs him. Startling Baekhyun at first but he immediately melts when he realizes that it was only Jongdae.

“Didn’t know you were back already,” Baekhyun says as he leans back to Jongdae. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles before pressing a kiss at Jongdae’s temple.

“Take a break and eat with me,” Jongdae tells him as he presses a kiss at the crook of Baekhyun’s neck. Baekhyun is all too aware that Jongdae would rather not eat than eat alone. With a hesitant nod, Baekhyun follows Jongdae to their small dinner table. They settle on a comfortable silence as they eat.

“How are the designs going?” Jongdae asks while eating.

“Dreadful,” Baekhyun answers with a shrug - “It’s like everything I draw is crappy,”

Jongdae sighs and looks at his boyfriend. Dark bags under his extremely tired eyes, posture slouched, and mouth droopy. Jongdae reaches for his hands and intertwines their fingers.

“You’re Byun Baekhyun - nothing you do is crappy” Jongdae consoles as he plays with their fingers. “You're a visionary, but more importantly you’re  revolutionary.”

Baekhyun smirks and lets out a chuckle. “If I didn’t know better I would’ve assumed that you’re hinting me to fuck you missionary.”

Jongdae gives his boyfriend a pointed look that leads to him laughing out loud. “Your libido never ceases. I swear to God, everything is sexual to you. But, babe stop laughing- I’m serious.”

“I’m horny when I’m stressed,” Baekhyun defends himself.

“Hornier” Jongdae corrects. “Horny is like a default mode for you. Anyway, my point is that your designs are amazing and your professors will love it. It’s their loss if they can’t appreciate it. But, I doubt they will because you’re Byun Baekhyun and Byun Baekhyun never disappoints.”

With his free hand, Baekhyun cups Jongdae’s jaw and pulls him in a kiss. The kiss was chaste and sweet but it leaves Jongdae blushing.

“I love you,” He says before peppering Jongdae’s face with kisses, as Jongdae giggles. “I really really, full homo, without any condition and reason, am in love with you Kim Jongdae. I thank God every night that I was given the chance to love you - did I say that I love you?” Baekhyun proclaims and then he goes back on pressing a kiss on Jongdae’s lips. Once, twice, thrice, countless of times. “I just want to skip all of this,” Baekhyun continues. “Can’t wait to start a brand new chapter of our life in Beijing. Get married, buy a house, adopt ten dogs, have two kids, and be the annoyingly sappy old couple who never left the honeymoon stage.”

 

 

_May 3, 2019 - Nadi Island, Fiji_

Jongdae storms off and goes inside the house. Thankfully Baekhyun didn’t follow him back. He didn’t know why he snapped at Baekhyun easily – maybe it’s from the lack of sleep or maybe it’s the thought of Baekhyun regretting their breakup.

Jongdae dismisses the thought and goes back to his room to get a few more minutes of shut-eye. It was a good hour of dreamless sleep until Yixing comes in and wakes him up – telling him to brush his teeth first and then come to the living room as Han discusses how will their day go. Jongdae complies – by the time walks in the living room, everyone was there. Han was standing in the middle of the living room. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were cuddled up in one of the small couches, while Yixing and Minseok are sharing the lounge chair. Jongdae tried to ignore how Sehun and Baekhyun were sitting together, Baekhyun was basically sitting onmore one Sehun rather than on the couch. Jongdae didn’t fail to notice how both of Sehun’s brows cock-up as if he was surprised to see Jongdae. Sehun then looked at Baekhyun – eyes filled with something unfamiliar.

Even Chanyeol and Kyungsoo look surprised to see Jongdae.

“Okay, you’re all here!” Han says and goes to a full-on detail about their itinerary – basically, today involves everything water related. Diving, swimming, and kayaking.

“I don’t really know how to swim” Jongdae voices out his concern. “I never really learned how to.”

“Didn’t Baekhyun teach you, how to swim, one summer?” Chanyeol asks innocently.

“He did – he tried but I didn’t end up learning anything,” he responds, there’s a faint blush creeping in his cheeks.

“It’s okay – just use the life vests, for now, I’ll teach you how to swim later,” Baekhyun promises him, he was looking directly at Jongdae with a reassuring smile on his face. Baekhyun looked at him as if Jongdae didn’t just tell him that he was glad that they broke up. But the thought of getting private swimming lessons from Baekhyun was making his heart hammer in his chest. He was praying that he didn’t look as excited as he feels but seeing the knowing glance Chanyeol gives him – Jongdae knows how obvious he looks.

“You don’t need to” Jongdae replies, “I don’t think I need swimming lessons”

Baekhyun gives him a surprise that transitions to a cocky expression “Are you sure? It’s not every day that the designer of the clothes you are wearing will give you private swimming lessons.”

Jongdae hears Sehun and Chanyeol snicker at the background while Jongdae gives Baekhyun a confused look. Baekhyun was still smirking at him and all Jongdae wants to do is punch (kiss) it off his face. He can feel the attention of everyone directed at them. Sehun points at his chest “Your sweatshirt. That’s Privé.”

Jongdae turns his attention to Sehun and then he looks at his sweatshirt. It was just a plain white one with a “brave & humble” scribbled across his chest. Jongdae immediately recognizes the handwriting; it’s Baekhyun’s. He internally facepalms himself for being so dense.

It all clicks in his head. Baekhyun’s weird looks and how amused Chanyeol and Sehun was when they saw Jongdae. Jongdae can see from the corner of his eyes Baekhyun studying him – curious about why Jongdae was wearing the shirt he designed.

“I didn’t- Minseok hyung— I don’t own one,” as far as he can remember – Jongdae never purchased any Privé items for himself.

“Your intern dropped by some clothes the morning I was packing things for you. I think he said that the shirts are your size and not his,” Minseok explains. “I had no idea that they were Privé when I was packing them.”

“Of course, they’re not his size. Those shirts were custom made on your size, Baekhyun didn’t even sleep a wink just to make sure that the entire line was adjusted to your size. He even flew to China to deliver them himself” Chanyeol informs Jongdae nonchalantly and both Jongdae and Baekhyun froze.

“The reason why you flew to China last minute is to deliver those shirts?!” Sehun reiterates, a play between disbelief and amusement fighting over his face. Everyone falls silent and Jongdae can feel his face burn – he can see Baekhyun’s face is red too.

Kyungsoo looks as if he wants to strangle Chanyeol and Sehun. It took a moment before Chanyeol realizes that he just exposed Baekhyun. Chanyeol laughs nervously and Baekhyun drags his hand over his face. Han and Yixing are trying to fight their urge to laugh.

“Because you know Baekhyun is very hands-on with Prive. He likes to give his customers the quality service they deserve,” Chanyeol tries to save the situation.

“Uh huh. _Customers_ ,” Sehun comments. Baekhyun sends a glare at Sehun and the other was just smirking at him.

Wait. Shouldn’t Sehun be jealous?

“Isn’t it weird though? I mean you gave your current boyfriend a shirt from your ex-boyfriend’s clothing line?” Sehun asks Jongdae.

“I think the weird part is that you’re dating your intern,” Baekhyun says, as if he was annoyed, with both his tone and facial expression cold. And Yixing and Han burst out laughing. Even Minseok was chuckling.

“You sound jealous.” Jongdae snorts. Baekhyun thinks Jongdae was dating Tao?

“You miss the point. I mean isn’t that a bit unprofessional?” Baekhyun continues and Jongdae raises an eyebrow.

“That’s a bit hypocritical, don’t you think? You’re dating your model” Jongdae claps back. And now it was Chanyeol and Kyungsoo who bursts out laughing.

“You’re not referring to Sehun right?” Baekhyun asks smugly. “Didn’t know you read those kinds of bullshit.”

“Sehun and Baekhyun are not dating. It’s a long story – but they’re not,” Kyungsoo tells everyone.

“And Jongdae is not dating Tao. I think Tao is straight,” Yixing informs everyone. Jongdae will never admit it but his heart skips a beat with the thought that Baekhyun and Sehun are just friends.

Jongdae imagines Baekhyun knocking on Tao’s door, carrying the entire line of Privé, expecting Jongdae but finds Tao in the doorway. He imagines Baekhyun assuming that Tao is Jongdae’s boyfriend and how he gets jealous on the thought that Jongdae is dating someone that’s not him.

Jongdae knows that it’s completely twisted to find happiness from the thought of making your ex jealous. But he really can’t help to feel a bit better.

“You both look relieved with the news,” Chanyeol observes and Jongdae, even if his face was burning once again, manages to roll his eyes. Jongdae glances at Baekhyun and he does look way more relaxed – he’s also blushing.

Thankfully, Minseok urged them to start preparing so that they could already start their day. Jongdae heads back to his room and takes a shower. He pulls out his drawstring to pack some of his things; his sunscreen, shades, rash guard, and other essentials. He checks the clothes Minseok packed for him. Jongdae lets out a whine because half of his shirts are from Privé. He was thinking of ditching the shirts but, if Chanyeol was saying the truth, then Baekhyun spent so much time on customizing these for him, the least he could do was wear them, right?

Jongdae chooses to pack two extra shirts from Privé and his swim trunks. Opting for a singlet and a pair of denim shorts for today’s outfit. For the next two days, they’ll go island hopping, while for the last two days they’ll explore the mainland of Fiji.

In no time, they’re in the car heading towards the domestic airport because their first destination is in Taveuni Island, which is an hour and a half, plane ride from Nadi (their current location). The plane is a very small one, everything was too cramped. Chanyeol looks like he was about to die from suffocating, (loudly) whispering to Kyungsoo that he can no longer feel his legs. Sehun doesn’t look any better.

The flight to Taveuni was a short one, but, Jongdae still managed to fall asleep at Han’s shoulders. Once they arrived, they head towards the pier because apparently, Baekhyun was rich enough to rent out a yacht for them.

The yacht is a medium size one, enough to cater all of them in without being too crowded. Before heading to the ocean, a team of diving instructors joined them to properly give them lessons on the do’s and don’ts. Minseok immediately said that he won’t be joining the diving session because he is afraid of open waters. Han also said that he won’t accompany them because he doesn’t want to leave Minseok alone.

They are heading towards the Great White Wall which was at least an hour away and Jongdae takes this time to get some shut eye. Their first destination is a diving session at the Great White Wall, home of the infamous Rainbow Reef.

Jongdae settles in one of the leather seats, he’s cuddling up with Yixing. Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, and Sehun are playing this weird slapping game. While Baekhyun was too busy playing games on his phone. Through the years, Jongdae thought that Baekhyun will get tired of his addiction with playing games – but it’s clearly not a phase for him. There’s this weird fuzzy feeling growing on Jongdae’s chest knowing that some parts of the Byun Baekhyun he fell in love with were still alive.

Han and Minseok were outside, Minseok being the best boyfriend that he is; patiently takes a photo of Han for Instagram. Jongdae silently laughs to himself, as he remembers him and Baekhyun would always fight over the right angle of taking photos or how Baekhyun would constantly ask him to make an Instagram account already.

“Your ex is looking at us,” Yixing says in Mandarin. Jongdae’s eyes are closed and he huffs out a laugh. “He’s glaring at me.”

“Probably wishes that you were him.”

“Why do I get the feeling that you also wish that it’s him that’s with you instead of me.”

“I want to sleep Xing.” Jongdae cuts him. Was he that obvious?

“I’m just warning you,” and Jongdae proceeds to take another nap. Jongdae can pass off as a baby with the amount of naps he’s taking.

When Yixing woke him up, Jongdae can’t believe his eyes. He’s thoroughly convinced that every part of Fiji is beautiful. The waters in Taveuni is probably the prettiest shade of blue he had seen. The water was glistening under the rays of the strong sun and Jongdae can’t help to be enamored. Living most of his life in the city, opportunities to view nature like this is rare.

“You did a great job of choosing Fiji.” Han tells Jongdae and Jongdae beams at him.

“Baekhyun also chose Fiji,” Sehun states. He’s already dressed in the diving gear. “Jongdae, why did you choose Fiji?”

“It’s hyung for you, you disrespectful son of a bitch,” Baekhyun says suddenly emerging behind Sehun, he’s also in diving gear and Jongdae tries not to ogle his ex. But, damn, his body lines look way better now. The diving suit wrapping around like second skin on him.

He brazenly trails his eyes all over the other’s body. From his broad shoulders to his chest, to his waist, pausing at the outline of the other’s dick, and Baekhyun's glorious, glorious thighs. How the fabric is thinly stretched out on his biceps. Suddenly, Jongdae’s mouth feels like cotton and all he wants to do is rip off the suit and run his hands all over his body. Maybe his tongue too.

His mind suddenly thinks of the number of things he wants to do with Baekhyun.

Or the number of things he wants Baekhyun to do to him.

_Oh God, he’s pathetic._

To make matters worse, Baekhyun looks at him straight in the eye intensely and smugly smiles at him. Jongdae can feel all of his blood rush down south.

Fuck. How could his body betray him like this?

“Aren’t you going to change?” Baekhyun asks him, a coy smile on his lips and eyes twinkling with mischief. As if he knows what Jongdae was thinking about. He probably does.

Jongdae just nods because he really can’t trust his voice right now. He sees Chanyeol smiling at him, with a wicked glint in his eyes. Jongdae just rolls his eyes and goes inside to change.

He makes quick work with the suit. Once he’s finished, he checks himself out in the mirror, the suit was also doing his body justice. Emphasizing his ass, arms and clenching his waist. He lets out an amused laugh, _two can play this game Baek._

He walks out and he can hear Kyungsoo whistling in appreciation. Chanyeol halts whatever he’s doing to look at Jongdae and he also whistles. Even Sehun pauses to look at Jongdae. But, most importantly, Jongdae can see the way Baekhyun’s eyes grow comically wide and his jaw-dropping.

“Do I look that good?” Jongdae asks all of them and they all collectively and dumbly nod. He sends a sly smile towards Baekhyun and satisfaction washes over him when he sees the other blush. The diving instructor clears his throat and then instructs them on how to use the full gear. Chanyeol, being a licensed diver himself, is also helping on giving out instructions and tips on calming down their nerves and such. Chanyeol also assured everyone that if anything major happens it’s okay since they have a doctor in the boat, he then winks at Jongdae and everyone just laughs it off. Chanyeol also reassures Jongdae that there’s no correlation with knowing how to swim but how to dive so Jongdae’s lack of swimming skills wouldn’t matter.

“Why did you choose Fiji, Jongdae hyung?” Sehun asks him.

“My answer is probably the same with _his_ ” Jongdae gestures to Baekhyun who was busy poking Kyungsoo’s tummy. “Ever since we were kids, Chanyeol and I like to come here and experience the waves, Fiji has the best waves for surfing. Baekhyun also develops the want to come here, because I and Chanyeol won’t shut up about it. It’s more of a fulfillment of a childhood dream.”

Sehun tries to hide his snort behind his hand but Jongdae still manages to catch it. He raises an eyebrow and cocks his head to the side.

“That’s not Baekhyun’s reason at all,” Sehun smiles at him.

“Hyung. It’s Baekhyun hyung for you,” Jongdae says to him sternly. Sehun just rolls his eyes and wow this kid is really a brat. “Why is he here then?”

“Well if you really think about it, he’s here to fulfill a dream but the dream is different,” Sehun gives him a knowing smile and before Jongdae can react the instructors were calling in them to start the diving session.

They spent a good two hours under water and Jongdae swears it’s probably the best two hours of his life. Jongdae has always been an adventure junkee but the sight of diving down the ocean and seeing the _great white wall_ reef is beyond breathtaking. Just to witness the interaction of the marine life and how lovely the corals are up close - he feels honored to even have experienced it. But it only gets better when they swim to the _Rainbow Reef_. It was a literal rainbow underwater - the different shades of color contrasting beautifully with the deep shade of ocean blue. To add, the schools of fish swimming from one coral to another is just - satisfying to watch. A deep sense of protecting the environment starts to blossom in his heart; he suddenly remembers Junmyeon and his environmental activist phase. He got everyone into shifting in an environmentally friendly lifestyle - Jongdae was so close to losing it.

 

By the time that they surfaced, it was a little past lunchtime and Jongdae is starving. Luckily, Minseok and Han prepared their food and is waiting at one of the tables in the yacht. Turns out Minseok and Han made seven whole pizzas because of their boredom.

They quickly changed out of their diving suits and into swim trunks and t-shirts. While they were eating, (the pizza tasted heavenly by the way) Chanyeol was clearly as enamored as Jongdae was because he didn’t stop talking about how beautiful the reef was – they fall into an exchange of stories with Chanyeol and Baekhyun continuously busting out a joke or two, Sehun laughing to his fullest, Kyungsoo and Minseok talking about the food, and Yixing completely in awe with everything that is happening. Jongdae’s heart feels so full, how their groups easily blended together made their vacation a lot more fun than they initially planned.

After they ate, everybody went on groups to take pictures – Jongdae was there in the first part but then leaves them behind just to watch the water in the ocean. Their boat docked in this lovely wooden house in the middle of the ocean that gives an unprecedented view of the ocean. He sits at the edge of the dock, just taking in the view, feet dangling out; the water reaching his ankles.

The serenity was easily disrupted by a shirtless Byun Baekhyun sitting beside him, their elbows almost touching. Okay, Chanyeol mentioned that he has been the gym monkey for quite a while now and he managed to get a gym buddy with him. Jongdae realized that Baekhyun is the gym buddy because his hard work was showing. _Damn it, Baekhyun why didn’t you started working out when we were dating_. Baekhyun started to teasingly splash some water on Jongdae’s legs and since Jongdae is a mature adult he splashes water back. After a few moments of back and forth splashing without saying a word (just occasional hisses and cursing under their breath), they stop and Jongdae’s heart feels thrilled.

“That was nice” Baekhyun starts conversationally. “The whole diving thing, but the water footsies is nice too.”

“Is that so?”

“We’re going on another diving trip tomorrow – it’s on a different island.” Jongdae hums in acknowledgment.

“Sehun said that you chose Fiji to fulfill a dream. What was that about?” Jongdae asks tentatively. He has never been a fan of small talk, but he just doesn’t want their conversation to go lull.

“I honestly just wanted to go on an adventure. I have always been the adventurer” Baekhyun declares proudly and this causes Jongdae’s eyebrow to rise up – a judgmental look plastered on his face.

“Excuse me?” Jongdae interjects. Baekhyun looks at him with surprise. “I had to beg you to stop playing your games just to go out with me in the park!”

“Begging is such a generous term; I remember you unplugging my Xbox while I’m in the middle of the game” Baekhyun reminds him with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Baekhyun is the resident homeboy – if he has it his way, he’d be cooped up in front of his computer playing to his heart’s content. Jongdae was always the one for adventures – he wants to lounge on the couch all day, but he also finds happiness in going outside and just experiencing nature altogether. And Jongdae was indeed reminded of the times he needed to fight for Baekhyun’s attention, just because the other was too busy with his games. Baekhyun would be stubborn at first but they both know that he was also the resident sucker for Jongdae’s pout partnered with his pleading eyes. Baekhyun would then cuss the heavens for making him too whipped for Jongdae that he can’t even manage to say no.

Jongdae will herald Baekhyun into going with him to concerts, musicals, and museums. Or they might go on spontaneous cross-country road trips or going to different amusement parks. (In which Baekhyun doesn’t remember agreeing on going to any kind of amusement park but Jongdae swears that Baekhyun promised him that they’ll go). On quieter days, they’ll just find themselves eating ice cream and taking strolls at the park. Jongdae would try to make these mini adventures as entertaining as possible for Baekhyun because he is highly aware that his boyfriend would just want them cuddled up in a couch together, marathoning Star Wars. But little did Jongdae know that Baekhyun wouldn’t mind going on deadly roller coaster rides or attend indie concerts if it meant that he gets front row seats of Jongdae lighting up and beaming at him.

Baekhyun breaks his thought process by explaining that “What I meant is trying out new things – that I’m not scared of trying something new out.”

“You were scared of dating me” The words slip off before his brain registers what he said. But then again, he’s talking to Baekhyun and he could be brutally honest with him if he wants to. It’s not like he was telling lies, Baekhyun was so scared of dating him it almost didn’t happen. Almost. Without caring for the other’s reaction, he proceeds “and you were also scared of going to China, both of those were new things”

Baekhyun huffs out a laugh of acknowledgment. “I guess I'm always scared of new things if it involves you in it,” Baekhyun confesses while he leans back, palms against the wooden floor head tilted upwards. Eyes looking at the sky. Jongdae looks back at his feet making tiny ripples in the water.

“I thought that you and Minseok hyung will end up together after we broke up… given _your_ past, _our_ past.” Baekhyun voices out. Jongdae looks back at Baekhyun once again and he has his eyes closed, with the sunlight hitting his face; illuminating him. Baekhyun looks like an angel cast away from heaven because angels are not supposed to have such a devilish body.

“I thought that you—”

“If you say a word about thinking that me and Chanyeol getting together after we broke up. I’m going to kill you,” Baekhyun warns him. Jongdae lets out a small laugh while shaking his head.

“I was going to say that I thought that you would die alone,” Jongdae says innocently and Baekhyun’s eyes flutter open and sends him a glare; that totally resembles an _ugly_ puppy. Jongdae just shrugs, hoping to every deity that exists that he looks as casual as he wants to. “It was a miracle how we worked out. No one can ever stand your annoying ass.”

“I won’t die alone I have Mongryong with me,” Baekhyun says as a matter of fact. Jongdae hides his snort behind the back of his hand.

“If you keep on leaving him with our moms then Mongryeong would also leave you.”

“You know?!” Baekhyun shrieks

“Both of them would send me photos of Mongryong when he’s with them,” Jongdae lazily explains. His mom and Baekhyun’s mom would spam him with photos of Mongryong. Mongryong is Jongdae’s fifth ( _and last_ ) anniversary gift to Baekhyun – Baekhyun has been berating him non-stop on how adorable puppies are and how he would cry if someone gave one to him. So Jongdae would drag Jongin to every adoption center around the metro until he finds a three-month-old baby corgi that reminds him exactly of his then boyfriend. Two months later, he gives Baekhyun the pup and true to his word – Baekhyun bawled his eyes out at the sight of the puppy.

 

Jongdae pats his back because he knows that he just gave Baekhyun the best anniversary gift ever and that no one can ever top giving a pup. But right after bawling his eyes out, Baekhyun then hands him an envelope. Inside are two VIP tickets to _Phantasia_. Phantasia is a musical that centered at the lives of eight highly different women and how they managed to make a revolution that changed a generation. It’s such a popular musical that the resale of the tickets to one show amounts to a thousand dollars. When the musical announced their Asian leg and that they’ll have a show in South Korea, Jongdae was beyond ecstatic. He wanted the ticket shows so bad, he camped out with Soojung (Jongin’s girlfriend) at the ticket center – only to have the tickets sold out. Before Jongdae could ask how did Baekhyun managed it; he said that he also camped out for the tickets but fortunately he was way ahead of them.

 

“How about Mongryeong’s dad? No photos of him?” Baekhyun asks as he feigns obliviousness. “Heard he’s one hell of an attractive human being, quite a catch if you ask me, you might be interested.”

“Nah – heard that he’s a poor excuse of a father that leaves his kid to their grandparents for work,” Jongdae replies as he decides to play along.

“Well, he’s a single dad – he needs to work twice as hard for the welfare of his child,” Baekhyun shrugs but Jongdae catches the way the other’s lips twitches into a smile. “Although, his ex sends child support, he just wishes that his ex, visits their kid more often.”

“I’m sure he misses them both.” Jongdae blurts out.

“Both?” Baekhyun perks up, disbelieving but eyes oozing with hopefulness.

“Both” he reassures, tone unfazed. Baekhyun shrugs smugly and pounds his chest.

“I’d also miss me if I were you,” Baekhyun declares. “I mean it’s Byun Baekhyun we’re talking about,” Jongdae shoots him an exasperated look before rolling his eyes. Baekhyun then cackles in delight – which _annoys_ Jongdae so much. Jongdae then lightly (harshly) shoves Baekhyun causing him to go off balance BUT!! Baekhyun quickly grabs Jongdae’s forearm and pulls him, sending both of them towards the ocean.

Jongdae internally curses out his six years old self for not taking the summer swimming classes with Junmyeon. As they plunge down underwater, he instinctively wraps his legs around Baekhyun’s waist and encircles his arms around the other’s shoulders. Baekhyun loosely places his hand in the small of his back while the other is doing these small flapping movements. Jongdae ignores that every part of his skin is burning right now and how hot his face feels because he can feel every crevice of Baekhyun’s upper body. He should thank Chanyeol for choosing Baekhyun as his gym buddy. He buries himself in the crook of Baekhyun’s neck – which is a stupid idea because he can smell Baekhyun. It was faint but Jongdae recognizes his strawberry body wash and his menthol shampoo. The exact same toiletries Jongdae uses.

“I can’t believe you just ruined our first moment as ex’s with being so cocky,” Jongdae mumbles.

“If ruined means that I got you to wrap around me like your life depended on it then yeah, I ruined our first moment as ex’s,” Jongdae can’t see Baekhyun but he can practically hear the smirk in his voice.

“My life really depends on it, you fucking dumbass!” He pulls away just enough to so that he could glare at the other but _oh good lord_ it was such a bad idea. Jongdae should have known it by now that facing a wet Baekhyun with a smug look on his face is not good for his well-being. Baekhyun’s smirk deepens when Jongdae flushes violently despite frowning at the other. But then Jongdae’s attention diverts when he notices that there at least five meters away from the dock. “Yah! Swim back to the dock!” He demands, his pulse racing – he swears it’s from panic not because he’s practically trapped in a compromising position with an almost naked Byun Baekhyun.

“Too bad” Baekhyun tilts his head to the right, bottom lip trapped between his teeth as he fights back that stupid smile of his, and Jongdae’s heart is sent to a frenzy. _God Damnit_. “I like floating around like this.”

“Swim back to the dock,” how Jongdae managed to say that in an even voice? He has no idea. However, it seems like Baekhyun insists on floating away from the dock. Then something clicks inside Jongdae’s head – he internally facepalms himself for not thinking of this any sooner. “Let’s go back. _Please_.”

Jongdae watches as he can see Baekhyun’s smug façade faltering.

Baekhyun and a begging Jongdae don’t go well with each other.

Taking advantage, Jongdae strikes a pout “Can we please go back now… _Hyung?_ ” Jongdae tightens his hand around the other then he rests his head on Baekhyun’s shoulders. “ _Hyung can you please bring back Jongdae-yah to the dock?_ ” He tried to sound as cute as possible and he knows it’s working because he can feel Baekhyun go stiff and he celebrates his small win. “ _Hyung~_ ” Jongdae repeats; whether he’s happy that he can still easily wrap Baekhyun around his finger—

“This is the exact reason why you need swimming lessons,” Baekhyun whispers lowly, right into his ear and Jongdae’s small victory is easily taken away from him – as he shivers from how low Baekhyun’s voice is.

“Well maybe if you gave me a proper lesson the first time, I asked for it, then this wouldn’t happen” Jongdae snaps back with an eye roll. The truth is that when Baekhyun was _supposedly_ teaching him how to swim – they ended up spending the entire day making out in the pool. In the exact same position that they are right now. Well in Baekhyun’s defense, Jongdae was wrapped around him like a koala and he looked absolutely adorable that day with his pouty lips – not giving in to his urge his then boyfriend is synonymous to killing himself.

“If I remember correctly you were enjoying the _other_ lesson, I was giving you that time,” Baekhyun teases and Jongdae just prays that the other can’t hear how fast his heart is beating. “Don’t worry, I’ll give you a proper one later”

“I’d rather be found dead than get swimming lessons from you,” Okay, Jongdae needs to shut up because he’s really not in the position to irritate Baekhyun. Luckily, Baekhyun laughs – which is highly suspicious because Baekhyun’s always up to no good. Baekhyun shifts the arm that holds onto Jongdae’s back in a way that Baekhyun now holds his waist.

“As you wish” Baekhyun whispers and then he starts to push Jongdae away from him. Panicking Jongdae wraps himself around Baekhyun tighter.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!? HAVE YOU GONE CRAZY?!!” Jongdae screeches and Baekhyun laughs. “This is attempted murder!” Baekhyun stops his antics but he now flaps both of his hands to keep them both afloat.

“You said you’d rather die?” Baekhyun teases and Jongdae groans. “Swimming lessons with me and I’ll swim us back to the dock. That’s my condition.” But Jongdae has always been stubborn and he stupidly shakes his head.

“Come on, it’s just swimming classes,” Baekhyun chuckles low and Jongdae can feel the vibrations emanating from his chest. “Now I’m starting to think that you’re refusing my swimming classes because you want us to stay in this position much longer,” Baekhyun whispers but the tease in his voice rings in Jongdae’s ears. Jongdae groans from frustration because why does Baekhyun always have the upper hand on these things? Jongdae finally concedes.

“Okay” He whispers in the tiniest voice possible. But, much to his dismay, Baekhyun still caught it. Jongdae can’t see him but he can feel the other smile widely. Keeping his word Baekhyun swims them back to the dock, once they reached the surface, Jongdae immediately climbs the ladder out of the ocean only to be greeted with a Park Chanyeol smiling widely at him

“We leave you with Baekhyun for three seconds and then we find you wrapped around him already?” Chanyeol teases and Jongdae lightly punches him in the gut.

 

 

_July 28, 2007 - Seoul, South Korea_

Three weeks.

Three weeks since he kissed Chanyeol.

Three weeks since Baekhyun punched Chanyeol.

Three weeks since he last had a decent conversation with Baekhyun.

Three weeks since Jongdae was convinced that maybe Baekhyun likes him too.

Two weeks.

Two weeks since Jongdae told Baekhyun that he’s in love with him.

Two weeks since Baekhyun told him that he’s already dating Taeyeon noona ever since the party.

Two weeks since Chanyeol finally admitted that he was wrong about Baekhyun’s feelings.

Two weeks since his heart died.

One week.

One week since Minseok hyung asked him out.

One week since Chanyeol started lecturing him that agreeing on the date is a bad idea.

One week since Jongdae saw Baekhyun kissing Taeyeon at a cafe.

One day.

One day since he agreed to go out with Minseok hyung.

Eight hours.

Eight hours since he informed Baekhyun that Minseok hyung and him are going on a date.

Eight hours since Jongdae saw Baekhyun light up and told Jongdae that Minseok is a great guy and they’d be a perfect couple.

Two hours.

Two hours since he started drinking with Chanyeol.

“I was wrong,” Chanyeol confesses in a slur. They’re on their fourth bottle of beer each; trapped in Jongdae’s room. “I’m sorry—”

“Stop apologizing!!” Jongdae equally as tipsy. His mind is fuzzy, and he knows that maybe drinking out your feelings is a bad idea but at this point Jongdae doesn’t even care anymore. “Was it your fault that Baekhyun doesn’t like me? NO! Was it Baekhyun’s fault that he doesn’t like me? NO!! All of this is my fault.”

“But if I didn’t lead you on… Baekhyun is the absolute idiot—”

Jongdae nods a little bit too fast making him dizzy. “I mean you already have me, the one and only Kim Jongdae, confess to you and you reject me? Stupid dumbass.”

“But you should’ve rejected Minseok hyung,” Chanyeol says as he opens his fifth beer.

“Why? Baekhyun said it himself with his ten thousand-kilowatt _super annoying_ smile that Minseok hyung is a good guy and going on a date is a good idea.”

“Sounds like reverse psychology to me,” Chanyeol comments and Jongdae shoots him a pointed look. “But other than that, you’re going on a date with Minseok hyung because you’re trying to get over Baekhyun.”

“And what’s the problem with that?”

“Because Minseok hyung deserves to date someone who likes him – _genuinely like him_ – what if he manages to fall in love with you but you’re still in love with Baekhyun? What would you do then?”

Chanyeol making sense while being tipsy annoys the hell out of Jongdae. This causes Jongdae to finish his beer in one gulp letting the bitter taste flow in his bloodstream.

“What if I’d end up falling in love with Minseok Hyung? It’s just a date Yeol, don’t worry too much.”

“I’m just saying that Minseok hyung doesn’t deserve to be the band-aid solution.”

They shift to a different topic and the night went on. Chanyeol complaining that Baekhyun barely hangs out with them anymore. They both pass out in Jongdae’s bed, only to waken up by Jongin asking Jongdae to cook breakfast for him.

Three days after Jongdae went on a date with Minseok and it was _nice_. Minseok was a gentleman all throughout; as expected. They went on a cat café and Jongdae genuinely had a good time. Minseok didn’t do anything frisky, it felt like they were just hanging out and it felt so natural.

Jongdae thought that maybe if things will go well with them then he’ll get over Baekhyun in no time.

But he was so wrong.

Because after his date with Minseok, Baekhyun came back. He started hanging out with them just like how it used to be, as if the past four weeks didn’t happen. He also became a little bit clingier to Jongdae. They went back to the days that they were primarily attached to the hip.

“Maybe, he is assured that you won’t fall for him anymore,” Junmyeon says while eyes not leaving the book that he is reading. They’re at his bedroom, Junmyeon lying down on Jongdae’s bed and Jongdae is in front of the mirror trying to fix up his hair.

“What do you mean?” Jongdae asks looking at his brother over his shoulder. Junmyeon takes off his reading glasses and places his book down.

“I think that Baekhyun reverted back to being his old self because he knows that you won’t fall for him anymore since you already have Minseok hyung,” Junmyeon says as he walks towards Jongdae and helps him fix his hair. “I mean if he really doesn’t have any feelings with you – but if he does…”

“You’re just as bad as Chanyeol, hyung.” Jongdae cuts his brother. What Junmyeon is saying makes a lot of sense but of course, Jongdae will never admit it because he’s sure that Junmyeon’s self-esteem is already way too high. Baekhyun is now comfortable because he thought that Jongdae is finally getting over him through Minseok hyung. But, if Baekhyun keeps on being glued at Jongdae’s side all the time he might not fall out of love from the other. Junmyeon laughs a bit and checks his watch.

“Hey, let’s go. Mom will kill us if we’re late for Jongin’s recital,” Junmyeon says as he grabs Jongdae’s wrist and drags him out of their house and into his car. Jongdae sends a text to Minseok saying that they’re on the way to Jongin’s dance recital. Minseok responds with an “Okay, I’ll meet you outside^^”

Jongdae can still hear Baekhyun and Chanyeol teasing him non-stop that it was only their second date and Jongdae is already introducing Minseok to his family. The recital went amazing, most specially Jongin’s parts (not that he’s biased or anything, but his baby brother really knows how to move), Jongdae tried to hold back his laugh because Minseok literally went rigid at the sight of his mom. Chanyeol was also there but Baekhyun backed out last minute; saying that something came up with Taeyeon. However, he did send flowers for Jongin.

Jongdae and Baekhyun are currently sitting (cuddling) together at the couch. Baekhyun is _trying_ to teach Jongdae some game in Baekhyun’s laptop that involves shooting and people dying. It’s too much violence for Jongdae’s liking but Baekhyun seems to really love it. He’s sitting in between Baekhyun’s legs, back against the older one’s chest, his legs folded to balance out the laptop in his mid-thigh and upper stomach. Baekhyun’s chin is resting on Jongdae’s shoulder and his arms wrap around Jongdae and his hands placed on the keyboard.

Jongdae is not even learning anything, he just watches Baekhyun kill random people with an assault rifle or screaming with the other whenever Baekhyun’s character gets killed. Or cheer with him in delight whenever Baekhyun achieves something. Jongdae’s just happy that he has Baekhyun this close to him. _You are so fucked, Kim_.

Things go for the worst (or better) when Baekhyun successfully kills an enemy (? Honestly, Jongdae still has no idea about the game mechanics) their team has been targeting throughout the game. Jongdae screams in delight with Baekhyun; “You’re my good luck charm Dae!” but Jongdae’s heart went into overdrive when he feels warm, a bit dry but still really soft, lips briefly touched his cheek. It was just for a moment, barely a second, but Jongdae is already showing signs of undergoing a stroke.

This is from a kiss in the cheek – _in the fucking cheek!_

Jongdae’s jaw unhinges and he looks at the other; eyes so wide, looking like a gaping fish, while Baekhyun looks so happy. His eyes have this little twinkle and his signature square smile seems like it can tear up his face. His eyes fixed on the laptop screen – looking like kissing his best friend of twelve years in the cheek is something normal to do.

But then Chanyeol; unfortunately, the king of bad (or good) timings makes the situation a lot more awkward when he comes in the living room and throws something in front of the both of them; landing in the keyboard of the laptop. Jongdae’s blood freezes (the universe really wants him dead today) and Baekhyun’s character dies as they look at least ten pieces of condom sprawled across the keyboard. Jongdae sits up straight and shoots daggers at Chanyeol and Baekhyun goes on a coughing fit.

“It’s for you and Minseok hyung— it’s your third date, tonight right? And you know…” Chanyeol gestures for the sign language for sex. Jongdae has gone completely oblivious of the fact that Baekhyun’s expression transitioned from rainbows and butterflies to death and murder. But Chanyeol gives the both of them a sly smile, “You know, better safe than sorry.”

Jongdae uses his telepathic skills with Chanyeol; he sends him the _Didn’t I told you that I’m going to break it off with Minseok hyung tonight?_ Look

And Chanyeol shoots him the _I know but I’m trying to spur Baekhyun to do something and I think it’s working, just go with it please_ look

Jongdae rolls his eyes and grabs two pieces and places the laptop at the coffee table as he stands up. And Chanyeol literally lights up with the gesture – “Ooh, going for two rounds? That needs a lot of stamina, Dae.” Chanyeol teases and Jongdae smacks him as hard as he can (hurting his own hand in the process but hearing Chanyeol squeal in pain makes it worth it). He turns to look at Baekhyun who really doesn’t look happy at all.

“What’s wrong Baekhyunnie?” Chanyeol asks teasingly, almost mockingly. Baekhyun gestures at the laptop and mumbles an “I was doing so well but my character fucking died, no thanks to you, you mother fucking asshole,” he curses out as he closes his eyes and stretches his legs – trying to get all of the tension out of his body. Jongdae is a bit taken back from Baekhyun’s mood shift.

 

Jongdae and Minseok went on a dinner date. Minseok talked about the perils of college and Jongdae calmly listened, giving out comments here and there. As the night progress; his mind went into a head-splitting tug of war between calling the relationship off or continuing with it. When Jongdae dropped the bomb; Minseok beamed at him, and Jongdae was utterly confused.

“I know I won’t be able to compete with Baekhyun,” Minseok says with a wide grin. And Jongdae gives him a shocked expression, earning a snort from the older.

“I mean, it was worth a try but I already know that it was a losing battle from the beginning.”

Jongdae smiled at him sheepishly, not really knowing what to do at this point. This would have been much easier if Minseok stormed out. But Minseok continued talking, telling Jongdae that it’s okay. The night ended on a high note, Minseok drove him home – leaving out a kiss on his cheek. Jongdae expected one of his brothers or his mother to be waiting out for him in the living room or something. what he didn’t expect is that Baekhyun was there, sitting on their couch. Arms crossed out; lips pressed in a straight line; eyes screaming death.

“Why are you coming home this late?” Baekhyun asks, tone demanding and filled with irritation. Jongdae glances at his wristwatch it’s just past 10pm. “What are you doing here Byun Baek?” Jongdae asks, exasperated.

“Did he fuck you?” Baekhyun bluntly asks – he still has this demanding tone but his face is showing an expression that Jongdae can’t decipher. Something close to betrayal and jealousy.

“Why does it matter to you?”

“Or did you fuck him?” Baekhyun asks tentatively now.

“Are we just gonna keep on asking each other instead of answering each other’s questions?” Jongdae doesn’t know why but the conversation is draining. If Baekhyun is placing his anger on him because of whatever reason, Jongdae is having none of it. “I went on a date with Minseok hyung – we broke up, but we talked it through that’s why I ended up coming home late. Happy?” Jongdae explains as he walks past through Baekhyun and heads towards the stairs. Baekhyun just looks at him dumbly. “Lock the door when you leave,” Jongdae instructs.

“Why did you break up?” Baekhyun asks and Jongdae stops walking. He doesn’t look at the other “Because like I said a couple of weeks ago — I’m still in love with you. I can’t be with someone else if I’m clearly in love with you, that’s emotional cheating and no one deserves that.”

Jongdae shakes his head as he continues on “ _I_ don’t want to do that to someone, to anyone.”

Jongdae’s confession is followed by awkward silence. Like it did the first time and Jongdae can already hear Baekhyun saying sorry. That he loves Jongdae but he’s not in love with him and how he’ll make it sure that things will remain as it is and that—

“I’m scared,” Baekhyun breaks the silence. Jongdae turns around and looks at the other and his expression screams insecurity. “I’m in love with you but I’m also scared” Baekhyun continues. “I want to date you. I— God… I want to be your boyfriend, it's not even— You turn me into this! My head can’t even make up sentences because the truth is, I love you, okay?”

Baekhyun wets his lips and runs his hand through his hair. As if preparing for a tirade;

“When I was six, you were still five back then, I accidentally kicked your face with a ball and then your teeth were bleeding because the ball knocked out your front tooth. And I was also crying because you look so much in pain and then Chanyeol started crying too because he’s an idiot who copies everything he sees. That night my six years old self kept on thinking that the worst sights I have seen is you crying. Now, 11 years after – every time I see you cry, I feel like my insides are burning. I knew back then, and I knew it until now, that the reason God created Byun Baekhyun is to make Kim Jongdae happy. But I see that you and Minseok hyung are getting serious and I don’t know. I don’t want to give the position of making you happy to him. Am I even making sense right now? I really don’t know anymore.”

Baekhyun sighed in defeat and Jongdae will normally laugh at Baekhyun’s face just to lighten the mood but damn, Baekhyun really looks vulnerable right now and for the first time in a while, Jongdae’s rendered speechless. But Baekhyun wasn’t finished;

“But what I _do_ know is that I’m scared okay? I’m so fucking scared that I even rejected you when you confessed out your feelings. I never knew I was the jealous type; turns out that I am, and I’m scared that if someone gets too close to you, I’ll go crazy. Damnit. I went crazy on Chanyeol and we were not even dating that time. I even punched Chanyeol!

What if we ended up hurting each other? What if we break up huh? What if I fuck things up and you’d end up walking away from my life? I can’t have that. Because it’s already written in stone; that Byun Baekhyun can never survive without a Kim Jongdae. And if we broke up who gets the custody for Chanyeol?” Classic Byun Baekhyun who randomly switches from heartfelt confessions to senseless jokes in a drop of a hat. Jongdae smile a little.

“We’d get joint custody.” Jongdae snorts. “Why are you talking about us breaking up? We haven’t even started dating yet?”

“Because I’m scared that if we start dating you finally realize that _wow Baekhyun is some fucked up little piece of shit who gets jealous way too easily and I don’t really love him_ . And I would totally understand because you’re Kim Jongdae, _the_ Kim Jongdae. You deserve the world and I’m just Byun Baekhyun—” Jongdae doesn’t know how it happened but he knows this is practically what heavens feel like. Pulling Baekhyun in for a kiss to effectively shut him up is probably the best decision he made in his life.

Both of their lips are a bit dry, but everything is perfect. Baekhyun’s lips were perfect against his and they both immediately melt against each other. Their eyes are closed but Baekhyun easily wraps his arms around Jongdae’s waist and Jongdae instinctively wraps his arms around the other’s shoulders. Baekhyun presses in deeper as if he’s trying to get Jongdae’s lips imprinted on his. Jongdae pulls back a bit breaking off their kiss to look at the other— foreheads resting against each other— deep brown eyes filled with love and fondness is staring right back at him. Jongdae can’t help but blush under the intensity of the other’s stare but all he could do was stare back with the equal amount of affection and love.

Jongdae presses in for a quick peck and whispers back “Well, lucky for you that Byun Baekhyun is my world” Jongdae internally cringes because this is too sappy. But he couldn’t care less, not when Baekhyun is kissing him once again, not when he can feel Baekhyun’s arms wrap around him tightly, or when he can feel the other’s tongue asking for entrance and Jongdae easily giving it to him.

 

_May 4, 2019- Nadi Island, Fiji_

Funny how the things, how Baekhyun’s _What if’s_ turned into reality but here he is handling a life without Kim Jongdae in it really well. The rest of their day went by smoothly. They went for a couple of rounds of swimming – Kyungsoo preparing everyone snacks. A couple more hours into the water and maxing up their memory because of the constant picture taking. They go back to the shore and to the airport heading home to the main island. Thankfully no one said any comment that he was wearing a Prive shirt, but it was hard to miss how Baekhyun lit up when he saw Jongdae. And how annoyingly beautiful Baekhyun was for the rest of the trip because he was glowing from delight while Jongdae’s flush never left his face. To give Baekhyun a _little_ bit of credit, he did get Jongdae’s sizes perfectly. How does he know his measurements? Jongdae doesn’t want to know.

By the time they arrive at the villa, Jongdae is exhausted. But in such a way that he’s muscle is singing and his mind is a bit hazy. He heads to his room and face plants into the bed and Jongdae lets out a sigh of contentment.

But just as his eyes fell heavy, he can feel his phone buzzing in his back pocket. He reaches behind and checks the caller ID first and sees MOM in capital letters flashed across his screen, asking for a video call. He swipes right and his mom’s smiling face comes into the screen.

He smiles back, eyes immediately forming into crescents, he and his brothers got that trait from their mom.

“Hi Mom,” Jongdae says, hoping his mom understands because his voice is a bit muffled since his face is half smashed into the pillow.

“What do I need to do for you to call me first?” His mom asks with her honey-like voice and Jongdae can feel himself relax even if his mom is basically scolding him.

“Sorry been very busy, I texted you that I was going on a vacation, right?” Jongdae mumbles a quick apology.

“You never told me that it was with Baekhyun.” His mom says, feigning a hurt tone but she was clearly teasing him. Jongdae looks at the phone screen with wide eyes, eyebrows disappearing to his hairline. Head deciphering who would’ve told his mom about it, it might be Junmyeon? But Junmyeon never checks his social media, only when he needs to post something. Jongin? But Jongin ne—

“It was Chanyeol, dear” his mom informs him. She could read him so easily; He didn’t know if it’s a good thing or not. “Well actually, he told his mom everything, and his mom enthusiastically relied upon the message. So, don’t stress about it too much. You know it’s a good opportunity for you guys to talk,”

Chanyeol is really an unrelenting tattletale. Wow. And Of course, Mama Park the Baekdae prime supporter (although she’s tied with Mama Byun and also his own mom)

“Mom, if it makes you feel better, we _are_ talking,” His mom gives him a pointed look and Jongdae clams his mouth shut.

“Have you talked about your breakup?” His mom asks and Jongdae huffs out as a response. “You know if everything works out between the two of you…”

“It won’t,” Jongdae says insistently, stubbornly. His mom ignores his comment and proceeds.

“…and you become friends again after this. Don’t give me that look dearie – being friends with your ex isn’t that bad. Myeonnie’s off—”

“Okay, let’s not go there,” Jongdae cuts his mother. “Didn’t you call me to ask about how my days in Fiji went?” His mom senses how uncomfortable Jongdae is with the conversation and just nods as his son goes into a full story mode about the past two days and what’s the next few days hold out. Jongdae is too engrossed into telling his mom everything that he didn’t notice Baekhyun coming inside the room, but his mom did.

“Oh, hello there Baekhyunnie,” His mom says and Jongdae immediately looks at his back just to see a sheepishly smiling Byun Baekhyun. Leaving enough space for Baekhyun to be seen on his phone screen. He’s kneeling behind Jongdae.

“Hi Mom,” Baekhyun answers and Jongdae is fighting so hard to ignore the wicked winged creatures that displaced all of his internal organs in his stomach. When they were eight him, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol made a pack to share everything that is good in their life. They treasure their mom’s the most back then – that’s why they agreed that all of them can call each other’s mom as their own moms. “Is it okay if I get Jongdae here for a bit? I’m taking him to go swimming”

Baekhyun smiles at his mom charmingly and honest to goodness his mom’s eyes are shining with glee.

“Of course, dear, that would be really lovely. We’re wrapping up with the talking anyway,” His mom answers back, ignoring the look of betrayal his _real_ son is sporting in favor of the annoying and completely ugly smile stretched out on Baekhyun’s face. His mom faces him to ask; “I’m expecting to see you here next week?”

Jongdae nods— “I’ll see you next week. I love you, mom.”

“I love you too, Dae.” And his phone screen goes black. Jongdae then glares at Baekhyun while the other boy is blinking at him as if he didn’t give his mom hope of them getting back together.

“You’re not taking me to go swimming,” Jongdae announces stubbornly as he buries his face in the pillows and grabs a pillow to cuddle with. Baekhyun nudges him and whines

“How can I give you swimming lessons if I’m not taking you to go swimming!”

“I don’t need swimming lessons! I need to sleep! Can’t we just sleep here?” Most of his voice is muffled in the pillow but the whiny tone is still there. It took a few seconds for Jongdae to realize what he said and before he could protest he feels a solid warm chest against his back and a pair of arms slipping around his waist, pulling him closer. Baekhyun’s leg is hooked on of his hips, effectively pinning down Jongdae.

Jongdae stills, all thoughts leaving his head, and Baekhyun presses in further.

“This feels nice” Baekhyun breathes against his nape and a shiver runs through his body. Jongdae might be flushing so bad right now. Jongdae can’t help but melt because it really does feel nice.

Everything Byun Baekhyun is nice.

_No._

“I meant to sleep on our own beds!” Jongdae says in a failed attempt to be stern.

“But, where’s the fun in that?” Baekhyun mumbles back.

As Jongdae struggles out of Baekhyun’s death grip to no avail, it’s like the more he tries to get out the tighter Baekhyun is pinning him down. It’s also unfair that he could feel Baekhyun’s deep breaths and normally beating heart while Jongdae’s heart is thundering out of his chest.

“Stop squirming, I thought you want to sleep,” Baekhyun says, already sleepy. How the hell can he be sleepy when Jongdae feels like he got injected with adrenaline shots. Holy shit.

“Not like this!” Jongdae rasps out but he’s really starting to be comfortable with their position. His heart syncing with Baekhyun’s calm one. As his body goes lax there’s this voice inside of his head, the one he should really listen to, screaming that there’s nothing normal to cuddle up with your ex in your bed.

“You want to be the big spoon?” Baekhyun huffs out in a laugh and once again Jongdae’s heart is going on a frenzy because he can feel the rumbling of the other’s chest and it does things to him. “Wow. China really changed you. Huh? Don’t tell me you also prefer to top—Ow!” Jongdae jabs his elbow on Baekhyun’s ribs which causes Baekhyun to snicker out a small laugh. “Okay, I’m sorry. Still a bottom bitch then.”

Baekhyun barks out a full laugh and Jongdae blindly reaches out for the other’s neck, tickling it upon contact. This causes Baekhyun to screech and pushes Jongdae away. They both stand up, there is a momentary standstill between the two of them. Where they were just looking at each other. Jongdae saw how Baekhyun faces transitioned from frazzled to competitive. Taking the opportunity, Jongdae tries to dash out of the room but Baekhyun was quicker. He wraps his arms around Jongdae’s waist and throws him at the bed. With Baekhyun hovering over him, with the devilish glint in his eyes, Jongdae immediately tries to cover himself because between him and Baekhyun, he’s the ticklish one. Baekhyun’s pretty fingers went to tickle his sides causing Jongdae to writhe and shriek; screaming (squealing) at Baekhyun to stop. His body trying to jerk away from Baekhyun’s attacks. He can’t even reach out and tickle Baekhyun back because he’s too busy (failing) to protect himself.

“STOP— PLEASE— FUCK I CAN’T BREATHE— BYUN,” Jongdae screams out as an attempt to get Baekhyun to stop but the other proceeded on tickling him. Giving up, Jongdae wraps his legs around Baekhyun’s waist and flips them over. He grabs the older one’s wrist and pins both at the top of his head.

Jongdae glares at Baekhyun and Baekhyun really shouldn’t smile back at him because he’s trying to be seriously intimidating right now. (He looks like an angry kitten and Baekhyun is really trying hard not to coo).

“This is nice too. I used to love it when you’re in charge,” Baekhyun smugly says and Jongdae thanks the heavens that he was already flush from the tickle war because he swears that his face keeps on getting hotter. Jongdae is about to deliver a clap back but his door swings open revealing Kyungsoo who was about to say something, but his words got caught off when his eyes landed on the two of them. His face instantly looks so horrified, Jongdae would laugh if only he wasn’t caught in a compromising position with his ex. Both him and Baekhyun freezes in their spots.

And like in the past, of course, Chanyeol comes in a matter of seconds. He looks like he was about to say something only to realize Jongdae and Baekhyun’s position. Chanyeol blindly smiles at the – bottom lip trapped in between his teeth as he struggles not to laugh.

“It’s not—” Jongdae tries, as he quickly stands from the bed. Jongdae stands up and is a stuttering mess and Baekhyun takes this as an opportunity to grab him by the wrist and dragged him out of the house – quickly grabbing two pairs of flip flops on their way. They go to Baekhyun’s hotel, despite all of Jongdae’s protest of being too tired for night swimming, since the rooftop of the hotel has a pool in it. Baekhyun only let’s go of his hand when they’re at the rooftop. The swimming lessons went great- if we ignore all of Jongdae’s whining and complaining. Baekhyun is a good teacher, (and also because Jongdae is a good student), teaching him basic breathing and floating first before teaching him basic strokes.

Jongdae restrains himself from commenting whenever Baekhyun tells him to trust him whenever he asks Jongdae to swim to him. “Those are big words coming from you,” Jongdae mutters to himself. Little did they know, it’s already midnight and Jongdae can now swim freestyle.

Baekhyun walks him home, reasoning that he left his bag on their living room. Their conversation was light and enjoyable, walking around the streets in Fiji under the stars – feeling the cold night breeze. Baekhyun occasionally imitating how much of a scaredy cat Jongdae is and Jongdae commenting on how much of an unreliable teacher Baekhyun is. He’d deny it but he really misses this, their constant banter and that feeling of being at ease. The knowledge of years of friendship making you be your truest self because it’s Baekhyun. They proceed on talking about random things, by the time they arrived at the doorstep they’re on the topic of their jobs.

“The shifts are such a pain in the ass, being on call all the time, and one bad day from you and literally lives are at stake. But can you really complain when you get to save lives on a daily basis? Literally, my job alleviates people from feeling any pain, even if it’s just temporary. But there’s this pressure that comes with it. I mean the wrong angle or dosage can change a person’s life forever. Not just that person but the lives of those who love and care about that person. I think you kinda get me? The pressure we experience is a bit the same if you come to think of it,” Jongdae says.

“I guess the pressure comes from a different perspective? I mean there’s this constant anxiety of whether people love or hate what you came up with. Or maybe the thought that maybe you’re rigging others of their designs. Living a life of constant paranoia. Not to mention that the fashion industry nitpicks everything, even the way you breathe. It’s crazy, to be honest. But the feeling of seeing your designs worn by the people in the streets. Nothing really beats that. It’s the feeling that makes you want to go back to the drawing board and start designing the next collection.”

Jongdae just listens, basks in the sight of a passionate Byun Baekhyun, judging from how animated Baekhyun looks – he clearly enjoys his job in Prive.

“You love it,” Jongdae observes and Baekhyun looks at him, eyes bright with a shy smile.

“Yeah… I do,” Baekhyun admits with a nod. Baekhyun looks at the stars, fascinated. The light and air pollution make it difficult to see any stars in Seoul and Beijing. Instead of looking at the stars, Jongdae takes the opportunity to look at Baekhyun’s profile, and he huffs in amusement because this view is worth more of a million galaxies.

If you tell a 22 year old Kim Jongdae that in the span of less than a day, he will be found wrapped around Baekhyun, twice, pinned down also by Baekhyun, got swimming lessons from the said boy, and then walking around the streets in Fiji under the stars – feeling the cold night breeze and talking about their careers also with Baekhyun. Old Jongdae would probably scold you for easily forgetting about why they broke up. But that’s the thing, Jongdae clearly remembers the exact reason why they broke up and for some reason, his heart feels contended.

“Was it worth it?” Jongdae asks all of a sudden. This causes Baekhyun to revert his gaze from the stars and direct it to Jongdae, confused with the question.

“Was what worth it?” Baekhyun asks right back.

“Letting me go for your career, was it worth it?”

Ever since he was young, his mom would reiterate that you don’t have to be loud to deliver a message, and that silence can be the message itself. Jongdae used to brush it off, thinking it’s just a way for his mom to tell him to keep quiet. But in this moment with Baekhyun, he finally realized what his mom meant. Because the silence that falls between the both of them is the loudest message Jongdae has ever heard.

Understanding, he gives a quick nod to Baekhyun and proceeds to go to the front door.

“I didn’t know,” Baekhyun says and it’s time for Jongdae to be the confused one. “I didn’t know we broke up… I thought it was some kind of cool off or something. I didn’t… Our story ended and I didn’t have a clue. It was my mom who broke the news to me.”

Jongdae, for the second time, is rendered speechless. It never occurred to him that their break up wasn’t mutual.

“So, if you’re going to ask me if letting you go was worth it. I wouldn’t know the answer because I never did.”

Jongdae stares at Baekhyun for a good moment. Not really believing what Baekhyun has said, his thoughts only screaming one thing “What the fuck?!”

This causes Baekhyun to cock up one of his eyebrows, surprised at Jongdae’s reaction. “You and your boyfriend got into a huge fight. He doesn’t speak to you in days and then, the said boyfriend, of five fucking years, left to go on a different country without telling you – the same fucking country you were supposed to be migrating to! HOW THE HELL CAN’T THAT BE AN INDICATOR OF US NOT BREAKING UP!”

“BECAUSE IT WAS A PETTY FIGHT!” Baekhyun screams back just as loud. Tone heavy with anger and frustration. “You know what? I wish… I wish you cheated on me, or I cheated on you, or I fell out of love with you, or you fall out of love with me, or whatever reason couples break up— we were so perfect you know? and I wish we didn’t break up because of something so—”

“Petty” Jongdae finishes his sentence for him, voice barely above a whisper, his tone defeated. Eyes rimmed red and tears were already rolling on his cheeks. “If lying and deceiving me is something petty to you then I guess I did throw away a five-year-long _perfect_ relationship over something petty.”

 

Just like the day that they broke up, Jongdae walked out on a stunned Byun Baekhyun.

 

That night Jongdae tried to push Baekhyun out of his mind. But like most other nights, he was left thinking of the other boy. Jongdae thought how unfair it was for him. Baekhyun was able to stay in Seoul, live his dream life, get his dream job, and have both of their family and friends side with him. It’s unfair that Baekhyun is the reason why they broke up but it’s as if he gets the better end of the bargain.

The next day went well. They took a flight to another island and went scuba diving on the Astrolabe Reef (equally as breathtaking than yesterday’s diving session), they were lucky enough to catch the sight of local sea turtles living in their natural habitat. If Jongdae was, to be honest, it would’ve been a great experience if only Baekhyun wasn’t there. Whenever Jongdae sees the other boy, his mood will go sour and his blood will literally boil (or maybe it’s because of the heat). It also doesn’t help that Baekhyun keeps on trying to talk to him. Just like the first day, shooting longing stares. Not averting his eyes even when Jongdae is full on glaring at him. There’s longing there, but Jongdae can’t get over the fact that Baekhyun called their breakup petty. Luckily, Yixing and Minseok come into the rescue whenever Baekhyun comes close. They would sneer or stir Jongdae away from him. Han also helps, he would often get Jongdae’s attention that even if Baekhyun tried to approach him Han will get all of his attention. Jongdae didn’t tell them, the soreness of his eyes gave him away.

If the entire group noticed the tension between him and Baekhyun, no one commented on it. Surprisingly, even Chanyeol was also behaving well. No weird snide remarks about them. He also didn’t try to help Baekhyun in any sort of way.

After they had their lunch in a beautiful floating restaurant on the island. They flew back to Nadi, Jongdae was preparing to join Han, Yixing, and Minseok to go in the local public market but Chanyeol grabbed him saying that they’re going swimming. Jongdae was worried at first, scared that maybe Baekhyun was also in tow, but he was soon relieved when he found out that Kyungsoo already dragged Sehun and Baekhyun to make _Lovo_ – some traditional Fijian Barbeque – with him. Before Jongdae question’s Chanyeol’s intentions, the other provides a vague explanation of “Get your mind off things”.

They rented out surfboards from a local shop, Chanyeol handing him a kid’s size and Jongdae kicking his shin. They both exchange a couple of threats about kicking each other’s ass on the water. The waves were crazy and the surfer inside Jongdae glees in joy. The coastline was filled with both amateur and professional surfers – all trying to ride the waves of Fiji. It has been so long since he last surfed and the waves in Fiji were literally making him and Chanyeol slide off their boards. Jongdae got the hang of it first, immediately followed by Chanyeol. Jongdae tries to stop himself from rolling his eyes because he swears the C in Chanyeol stands for competitive. They eventually settled into a rhythm and were surfing without any hiccups.

Surfing has always been exhilarating, although it’s a lot of work and exhausts the hell out of you, it really does the job in taking your mind off things. You’d be so focused on looking out for a wave, paddling up to catch it – adrenaline firing up, feeling the soft breeze of the wind against your skin, making sure you’re graceful enough to ride, and when it all recedes you’d find yourself underneath the water wanting to do it all over again.

He and Chanyeol would make mini competitions, both of them opting for the same wave, Jongdae has no idea on the mechanics of the game but Chanyeol swears that Jongdae is in the losing side. It’s not long after when Chanyeol and Jongdae were sitting at the shore, surfboards hitched on the sand, the sun setting in a breathtaking explosion of color.

Most people when they’re annoyed at someone or are having a bad day, they would probably need some alone time. Some time to think things through and just settle up their thoughts. But that’s not the case for Jongdae, he’s always thinking. Weighing and considering options. He thinks so much, anyone within a mile radius could hear it. And what he really needs is for him to stop thinking or at least distract himself long enough. Luckily, Chanyeol knows what Jongdae needs – but Chanyeol never really does anything for free. In exchange for a distraction, he’d want answers.

“Mind telling me what’s with the cold war?” Chanyeol asks him as his eyes were fixed in whatever his fingers were writing in the sand. Jongdae continued to watch the sunset coloring up the remaining surfers. The waves are now too wild, too strong for either of them. Jongdae shrugs and answers;

“He called our breakup fight petty,” Ignoring Chanyeol’s snort as he continues, “You were there, do you think it was petty?”

“I saw worse fights than that,” Chanyeol supplies. And Jongdae knows this well enough. They _had_ worse ones than that. Like the night Jongdae was too busy with his workload that he completely forgot about the fashion department’s year-end exhibit, to make matters worse – Baekhyun’s pieces were the highlight of the exhibit. Or that one time when Seulgi, a pretty college freshman, was totally crushing on Baekhyun but the other just accused Jongdae of being too paranoid. But no matter how big or small the fights were, they were all still fights that could end a relationship.

“Baekhyun has a small vocabulary, I’m sure he doesn’t mean to call it petty,” Chanyeol defends and Jongdae pathetically laughs. _‘There you go again_ ’ Jongdae the voice in his head says. Because of course, Chanyeol will always be in defense of the other.

“I think what he was saying is that with a love as great as what the both of you shared, he’d imagine a much grander fight for it to break,” Chanyeol mutters, reminiscent. “ _I_ saw you two, you would always have burnt cookies somewhere because you’re both idiots that dance around the kitchen. Baekhyun would endure watching a horror movie because you seem to like watching it, but in reality, you just love how Baekhyun is clutching your hand and is squeezing next to you. You hate singing in front of people but if Baekhyun is part of the crowd you’d go all Bruno Mars in front because Baekhyun loves it when you sing. You guys were so disgusting and cringey and annoying, but you were also so, _so_ happy. That’s the type of love you can’t— you can’t even put it into words. And… and I was looking for that you know. I dated around—”

“You fucked around” Jongdae corrects.

“You’re saying it as if you and Baekhyun didn’t traumatize almost every delivery boy in the city,” Chanyeol accuses.

“You fucked around to the point that Baekhyun and I are always scared that you’ll catch something.” Chanyeol just rolls his eyes, thinking on how Jongdae can _never_ let him live without making any snide remarks.

“I dated around looking for the Jongdae to my Baekhyun.”

“And you got something better because you found the Kyungsoo to your Chanyeol,” Jongdae chimes.

“Yeah I did,” The grin in Chanyeol’s face is threatening to split his face open, dimple going deeper than ever before and Jongdae just smiles at him fondly because he’s _so_ whipped. “Bro! Can you please stop distracting me!” Chanyeol complains and Jongdae bursts into laughter. “My point is that what you and Baekhyun _have,_ it’s not just some pesky relationship that developed out of convenience. It’s the type of love you fight for, people go crazy finding that and you guys _still_ have it.”

“No, we don’t” Jongdae counters and Chanyeol’s eyes scream with the threat _I swear to God if you don’t shut up and interrupt me one time._

“Baekhyun is really trying Dae and if you really want him to stop, be the bigger person and ask him to stop rather than ignoring him like this.”

“I’ve been ignoring him for like a day.”

“One day can turn into years,” Chanyeol says. “Just hear him out and then decide if he’s worth your attention or not.”

Jongdae just nods, as both him and Chanyeol stare in the horizon and watch another breathtaking sunset from Fiji. Jongdae thinks about what type of explanation Baekhyun has to offer. Every part of Jongdae doesn’t want to hear Baekhyun out. Knowing himself too well, because if he does listen, he might not be able to control himself and run back to Baekhyun.

 

Run back home.

 

 

_February 19, 2014 - Seoul, South Korea_

Jongdae is dating an embarrassment. He tries to hide as his boyfriend moans – that’s far too lewd -as he takes another slurp from his bowl. They’re in this Chinese restaurant, owned by a gorgeous young lady named Lyin, they go to ever since they were in their freshman year. Chanyeol was (or is still in) a mission to find the best authentic Chinese beef noodles in the metro, Lyin’s Chinese beef noodles seem to be the best according to Chanyeol’s standards.

Baekhyun always liked coming to Lyin’s restaurant – he’d argue that it would always feel like home for him. So many memories and milestones happened at this place and if everything goes well, Jongdae’s about to make another one.

Jongdae’s chin rested on the palm of his hand and elbows propped against the table, as he watches his boyfriend happily munch on some strip of beef, now moaning in delight as he can feel the meat melt in his mouth. Just the sight of Baekhyun eating happily is enough for Jongdae to melt. Baekhyun continues to shove a couple of spoonfuls of food on his mouth before he realizes that Jongdae has stopped eating and was just watching him. With a mouth full of food, Baekhyun asks him if – or that’s what Jongdae understand – why did he stop eating. Jongdae chuckles low and fills Baekhyun’s glass with some water, the other might need it.

Jongdae feels his nervousness spiking up. His appetite flying away.

His Mom is really fortunate enough to have three doctors, with three specializations, as her sons. But, sending one kid to medical school costs a fortune, but to have three children sent to medical school – that needs cash. A _lot_ of Cash. Fortunately, his mom is also blessed with three sons that are granted with scholarship programs. For Jongdae to continue his studies he’d really have to find institutions that will fund him. Junmyeon wasn’t granted the full scholarship by the Choi Medical Group, and Jongin’s scholarship threatening to kick him out of the program (it’s a super long story that involves a breakup, Jung Soojung, and puppies).

Jongdae doesn’t really want to burden his mom any further. He applied for a lot of medical schools in the country and also overseas. But what he eyes the most is the one in the Lu’s Medical Institution offers – full scholarship, you get to choose your specialization, only two years of return service, and on top of that if he can keep his grades and performance up, the hospital will also give him a hefty stipend exclusive of his payroll. But, Jongdae’s only lucky that he scored a killer recommendation letter from the dean and their department head. The only downfall is that it’s in another country, but Jongdae is always down for a brand-new experience. But Jongdae knows that it’s more than what he wants, he also needs to know what Baekhyun wants.

“Babe, you don’t mind eating Chinese food, everyday right?” Jongdae asks as casually as possible. Ignoring how dry his mouth feels and how his palms are already getting sweaty.

“Like, takeout?” Baekhyun asks, he takes a big gulp of water and scrunches his face – causing Jongdae’s heartbeat to increase its pace. “Weren’t you were just ranting about how bad takeout for our health, because of the used oil or something?”

“No, I mean like these,” Jongdae replies, as he gestures towards all of the contents in their table. No matter how hard he’s trying to be as nonchalant, Baekhyun has caught on Jongdae’s uneasiness.

“If it tastes like this then why not, right?” Baekhyun states. “Why? Are we going on a Chinese food diet?”

“I mean if we start living there, then yeah,” Jongdae says and Baekhyun looks at him in confusion

“Why would we live there?” Baekhyun asks and Jongdae’s bites his lips warily. How will Baekhyun even react? It’s not like when Baekhyun asked him to move in with him back when they were in Junior year. Although, it really wouldn’t be Byun Baekhyun without having any ulterior motives when he asked Jongdae. Living together involved early rounds in the morning. Jongdae is either in all fours in the bed, hiked up in the shower, bent on the kitchen counter, or anything that involves Baekhyun fucking out an orgasm or two out of him whenever Jongdae rushes out to get to class.

This is asking Baekhyun to move to a new country with him – because Jongdae and Baekhyun are far too, in Junmyeon’s words, codependent with each other Junmyeon swears that he took up his specialization, neurology, just so that he could understand how it is possible for Jongdae and Baekhyun to share a single brain cell. What if Baekhyun says no? Says that it’s way too risky? And that they can’t drop everything and move to a foreign country. Where would Jongdae enroll in Seoul then? He’ll just need to take on a part-time job if he enrolls to Choi Medical – but even Junmyeon can’t handle that too well.

But all of Jongdae’s worries leave his head, as he watches one of the most beautiful sights he witnessed. Baekhyun breaking into his boxy smile, eyes crinkling into crescents, for he realized that there’s only one reason for them to move to China. “Babe? Did you get in?” Baekhyun asks, his smile is so wide that Jongdae is scared that his face might break. Jongdae also breaks into a grin as he nods – heart way too happy that Baekhyun is happy.

_Why did he even think that Baekhyun wouldn’t be happy in the first place?_

Jongdae was expecting a kiss from Baekhyun, what he didn’t expect is for his right cheek to be assaulted with a sloppy, wet kiss. Jongdae doesn’t mean to pout but he wasn’t really expecting a kiss on the cheek. Baekhyun just full on laughs at his expression.

“That’s all I get?” Jongdae whines, disbelieving. and Baekhyun laughs as he cups his face and Jongdae happily closes his eyes and pushes his lips out only to be kissed on his left cheek. He pouts, thinking that Baekhyun will finally give in. Jongdae gets a long and lingering kiss on his forehead before he leans back to finish off his bowl of noodles. But Jongdae doesn’t miss the teasing glint in Baekhyun’s eyes and he lets out a frustrated groan. He obnoxiously clears out his throat and then forms his lips into the most adorable pout he could master (and he knows that everyone is a sucker for that, most specially Baekhyun). Baekhyun gives him a hum before he lifts the bowl and finishes all of its contents.

“Babe,” Jongdae whines. Baekhyun finally looks at him, eyebrows raised suggestively.

“What do you want, Love?” Baekhyun asks, mockingly. Jongdae pouts harder and Baekhyun lets out a surprised sound. Feigning a surprised look, with his pretty fingers covering his mouth. “Oh?! You want me to kiss you? But I already did, thrice! Greed is a bad thing love…”

“Those aren’t kisses!” Jongdae snaps.

“What are kisses then?” Baekhyun asks, with his deep tone, as he leans into Jongdae’s personal space. Close enough for Jongdae to feel his breath but far enough for Jongdae to see the challenge his boyfriend’s eyes are posing. “Can you show me how kisses should be, Kitten?”

Jongdae bites his bottom lip, not wanting to play this game with Baekhyun. Knowing he could turn the tables and straight up reject Baekhyun and have him be the one begging for Jongdae. But his plan gets thrown out of the window when Baekhyun’s tongue sneaks out and wets his lips – causing Jongdae to snap, pulling Baekhyun towards him and smashing their lips together.

He can feel Baekhyun smile towards the kiss, but Jongdae doesn’t care as he takes full control. Jongdae nips at Baekhyun’s bottom lip but before they can go any further Baekhyun pulls away. “As much as I like to do this right now, we’re in public and as far as I know you’re not a fan of exhibitionism.”

Jongdae blushes and gives a tiny nod. “At home,” Jongdae promises and Baekhyun takes out a few bills from his wallet and then grabs Jongdae and pulls him out of the restaurant and towards his car.

 

 

“Don’t you think I’m spoiling you too much, Dae?” Baekhyun whispers in his ears, hot and low – voice laced with cockiness and lust. He asks as he slowly pulls out of Jongdae, making him feel every inch of his girth. Jongdae trying to push his hips up to gain purchase but Baekhyun’s other hand is effectively pinning his hips down the mattress. “You were only asking for my lips and here I am giving you my dick.”

But before his brain can come up with a coherent comeback Baekhyun slams inside him, directly hitting his prostate with practiced ease, back bowed, toes curled. Making Jongdae a moaning mess as Baekhyun continues to pistol in him. Baekhyun marks up his neck with his lips, completely bending Jongdae in half as his feet dangle in Baekhyun’s shoulders.

A tirade of praises leaves Baekhyun’s lips, “My baby feels so good,” Baekhyun breathes against his skin before sucking a hickey on the mole at Jongdae’s collar bone. “So beautiful,” he bites down the crook of Jongdae’s neck. “All flushed and pretty, all for me.”

Jongdae can only stutter out a moan. Baekhyun still manages to make him incoherent even after years – still manages to overwhelm Jongdae on how incredibly good he is at pounding Jongdae’s ass. He grips Baekhyun’s biceps, leaving scratch marks, urging Baekhyun’s lips to go back at his. Their open-mouthed kiss effectively muffling all of their whimpers and grunts – only the lewd sound of skin slapping filling up the room. His own member getting the delicious friction being pressed between their abdomens.

Jongdae comes with a gasp, making a mess between their bodies. His walls clenching around Baekhyun – making the other draw out a loud long moan, the rhythm of his hips losing as he comes inside Jongdae a few moments after. Jongdae’s legs slip down from the other’s shoulders and he wraps it around Baekhyun’s waist.

Baekhyun pulls out and then collapses on top of Jongdae, despite the mess between, nose buried on Jongdae’s neck, arms wrapped around his waist. Jongdae’s far too spent to even care as he wraps his arms around the other’s shoulders and positions them on their sides. He thinks about how lucky Jongdae is to have the one and only Byun Baekhyun in his arms. All for himself – in any way possible. Jongdae places a kiss on Baekhyun’s hair and he too buries his nose on Baekhyun’s neck. Smelling the scent of sex and Baekhyun’s cologne, Jongdae’s favorite combination.

“I love you, Baekhyun,” Jongdae croaks out, voice hoarse. Baekhyun chuckles a low rumble.

“I think you’re okay,” he jokes and Jongdae rolls his eyes. Baekhyun tightens his arms around Jongdae, getting them impossibly closer. “Stop rolling your eyes, let’s take a nap,” Baekhyun mutters.

 

 

_May 5, 2018 - Nadi Island_

Jongdae knows Chanyeol and Baekhyun all too well to know that getting drinks after a day of hiking, zip lining, cliff diving, and kayaking is a bad idea. All of them are in this club, and Jongdae would’ve had a good time if only his eyes stop drifting to wherever Baekhyun is. A drunk Baekhyun is a flirty Baekhyun. It really wouldn’t bother Jongdae, because even when they were dating people would often mistake Baekhyun’s friendliness. But the problem right now is that Baekhyun is no longer tied down with Jongdae and that he can be really, _really_ charming. With his satin navy blue shirt, with the two topmost buttons undone, with way too tight black jeans. Baekhyun can easily come home to anyone with that soft look in his eyes and the sly smile and whatever he’s saying is making the pretty girl in the lace dress blush and giggle and lean into him even more. As if a while ago, he wasn’t shooting Jongdae puppy dog eyes, or was making up every excuse in the book just so that they could talk.

“He’s trying to make me jealous,” Jongdae voices out, he says as he sits alone in the bar. All of his friends were partying, Yixing and Sehun are having this mini dance-off. And both couples were out of sight (probably for the best). He snorts to himself; _He’s not trying to make you jealous; he is making you jealous._

He spots Chanyeol and Kyungsoo in one booth, on the quieter parts of the club. Chanyeol is laying on Kyungsoo’s lap, eyes closed, he looks like he’s about to doze off. Kyungsoo is playing with his hair with a fond smile on his face. Chanyeol can easily transform from a six feet giant to a six-inch small bub for Kyungsoo. Jongdae leaves the bar and seats with them. Kyungsoo nods at him in acknowledgment. Kyungsoo and Jongdae settle on a light conversation, taking on topics randomly as Chanyeol continues to doze off. As the night deepens their booth continue to fill in and Baekhyun continues to flirt around. Han looks like he’s three shots away from blacking out. Sehun doesn’t look any better, but for some unknown reason, Jongdae found the kid sleeping at his lap. Yixing is already asleep on Minseok’s lap while the latter looks like he’s already a bit tipsy. Chanyeol has already sober up a little and Kyungsoo is now the one sleeping on his lap. Baekhyun looks like he’s only a little tipsy, which is a bit surprising because he’s a lightweight.

Minseok is currently on a full story on how he’s thinking about ditching his long silver hair for a buzz cut, because people keep on mistaking him for a student rather than a professor. Jongdae just hums in response but his mind is off somewhere – _19 minutes till Baekhyun turns 27_ . Should he greet Baekhyun? Isn’t it cruel if he ignores him completely? _It’s his birthday Jongdae, of course, you should greet him_ . How should he greet him? _Two minutes_. He should do it casually, right? Not like he’s making a countdown on his head like a lovestruck fool. He looks at the clock and it’s already midnight.

“Happy Birthday, Baekhyun,” He blurts out all of the sudden. Minseok stops talking and stared at Jongdae. Chanyeol was looking at him with wild eyes, even Baekhyun looked at him in a judging manner. All Jongdae wanted was for the ground to split up underneath him and to swallow him.

“SEE!” Chanyeol exclaims loudly and slamming his palm at the table, startling everyone (effectively waking up everyone, a disgruntled looking Kyungsoo was glaring at Chanyeol but the other seemed to be oblivious). “Was it that hard Dae?”

Everyone shoots Chanyeol a confused look, not really understanding his point. “Actually, talking to Baekhyun was way easier than ignoring him, right?”

This is the reason why Jongdae is stressed when Chanyeol has alcohol in his system because it’s like the alcohol melts away his filter and continues to spout nonsensical stuff like this. “You could’ve made everyone’s life easier for the last five years instead of ignoring him,” Chanyeol comments and this catches Jongdae’s attention. His mind battling it out, one side says to let it go because Chanyeol’s drunk and he doesn’t really mean it. The other side is screaming at him to remind Chanyeol all of the lines he’s crossing.

“Your life would’ve been easier if you didn’t meddle in my dating life,” Jongdae snaps back.

“If the people you love and care about stuck in this miserable loop, would you just stop and do nothing? No, you don’t you help them out of it,” Chanyeol asked, his tone that’s a little above irritation was the reason for Jongdae to finally concede on stopping Chanyeol before he goes on saying words, he’d end up regretting.

“You _help_ them out,” Jongdae states. “You don’t force them to get back together with their ex.”

“I’m just asking you two to be friends again!” Chanyeol defends himself, earning a dry laugh from Jongdae. Because  _really?_

“We’re exes Chanyeol!” Jongdae exclaims, frustrated and angry. Everyone in the booth is listening to them right now but Jongdae doesn’t care. Anger and irritation radiating from him and directing at Chanyeol. Even Baekhyun knew that it’s better not to disrupt their arguments. “If that doesn’t tell you anything – it means that it’s hard for me and Baekhyun to remain friends.”

“No no no, Junmyeon and I are exes, we remained friends, that’s not a proper excuse,” Chanyeol argues, way too smugly for Jongdae’s liking. It was Baekhyun’s time to speak up, clearly sharing Jongdae’s annoyance.

“Calm down lover boy, you and Junmyeon hyung dated for barely a year. We dated for five years,” Baekhyun gestures between the both of them. Chanyeol arches his eyebrows, looking at Baekhyun mockingly.

“That doesn’t mean that we didn’t love each other any harder than the both of you,” Chanyeol counters and Jongdae can feel himself suffocate on how thick the air between the three of them.

“Good for you, but what works for you doesn’t mean it will automatically work for everyone else,” Jongdae argues, tone with the faintest of irritation. Just enough for Baekhyun and Chanyeol to catch. “As for me,” Jongdae looks at Baekhyun, giving him a tiny nod before proceeding “For _us_ , I don’t think it’s easy to be friends with someone you envisioned your entire life with.”

Everyone around them falls silent. Chanyeol looks like he finally realized how many lines he looked over just to prove a useless point.

“It’s possible” Jongdae acknowledges, and he locks his eyes with Baekhyun and says, “But way too painful.”

 

 

_April 21, 2014 - Seoul, South Korea_

Baekhyun believes that this world revolves around a perfect balance – all of the good things in life requires certain sacrifices. As he reads the pearl aqua letter sent to him, his mind is running a million thoughts per second. The disappointed look on his dad’s face when his only child announced that he’ll be taking Clothing Design instead of some course that will definitely bring food at the table. All of the sleepless nights he spent to finish and perfect his plates only to be marked as below average by his professors. All of the anxiety because of studying something that might not payoff your student loans. The amount of prayers he sent to every deity to ever exist when he sent out his application letters and resumes for internships or job prospects. But more importantly he thinks about the only person that matters, Jongdae. The person who was beside him through it all. The person who stood with him when he was right and stood by him when he was wrong.

He looks at the letter, the letter that will finally make all of his hardships worth it. The same letter that threatens his relationship with Jongdae.

He takes out his phone and dials a number like it’s second nature.

“Where’s Jongdae?” Is the first thing Chanyeol asks him when he settles in the seat across Baekhyun.

“Just the two of us tonight,” Baekhyun answers nonchalantly as he flips the pieces of meat cooking on the grill.

“Should I be worried?” Chanyeol asks gesturing to the bottle of beer Baekhyun is drinking and Baekhyun shrugs in place of an answer and then brings out the letter. The pearl aqua paper catches Chanyeol’s attention.

“I receive a letter from SHINee today,” Baekhyun says gloomily. Chanyeol nods as Baekhyun passes him the letter. Curiously Chanyeol opens the letter and gives a quick read and his face stretches into the biggest smile ever and his eyes grow comically wide. “Baekhyun! This is great news holy fuck you got in!”

“I got in” Baekhyun reiterates but his tone sounds defeated. This catches Chanyeol’s attention; his face transitioning from utmost happiness to confusion to complete horror.

“Fuck,” Chanyeol mutters; too dumbfounded with the news. Baekhyun huffs out through his nose and runs a palm over his face.

“I need to drink,” Chanyeol announces. “AHJUMMA!! WE NEED A BUCKET OF BEER!”

Baekhyun chugs on his beer, while Chanyeol thinks of different ways to get out of this mess. It was a long night that involved Chanyeol burning the letter through the grill, Baekhyun crying, Chanyeol encouraging Baekhyun, both of them passing out on the restaurant, and the owner of the place calling up Jongdae to collect both of his drunk best friends.

Jongdae comes home to the rarest occurrence in his life, a silent apartment. He’s been (officially) living with Baekhyun for at least a year now and he is well aware that wherever Baekhyun is, there will always be noise. Whenever Baekhyun’s alone he’s either playing on his computer, playing some song in his phone, or singing his lungs out. Jongdae takes out a folder from his bag and then places it on the couch and looks for Baekhyun. He finds his boyfriend sitting in their small dining table looking too deep in thought to notice Jongdae’s presence.

Jongdae calls out Baekhyun softly, pulling out his boyfriend from whatever he’s thinking. He finds Baekhyun spacing out recently. Always thinking of something, or always on the verge of saying something. Jongdae tries his best to coax Baekhyun into saying something but the other will just flash him a smile and brush it off. Saying that it’s nothing to worry about. In an attempt to distract Baekhyun, he would often give him brochures of where they’ll stay in Beijing, schools where they can enroll in for Mandarin lessons, or places to visit on the weekends. Whenever Jongdae talks about Beijing he tries to sound as enthusiastic as possible, making it sound like he’s sure on what they’ll be doing these next months. It seems like Baekhyun notices Jongdae’s wariness because he would often shoot forlorn looks at Jongdae.

Jongdae also finds himself getting cold shouldered by Baekhyun. It takes a whole lot more persuasion for Baekhyun to agree on going out with Jongdae, even if it’s to just eat anything. He’d be so busy getting his rank up in that PC game of his that he won’t even respond to Jongdae when he comes home. Although, he would randomly drop “I love you’s” even on menial things but it feels like it’s more out of convenience rather than appreciation. Jongdae will find Baekhyun on SHINee’s main website and Jongdae only sighs. Baekhyun will look at that site for hours instead of trying to find work opportunities in Beijing.

Baekhyun looks at Jongdae over his shoulder and his unsure look is replaced with an assured smile. “What are you thinking about?” Jongdae asks as he sits beside Baekhyun on the dinner table, placing the folder on the table.

“You know, us, graduation, and adulting,” Baekhyun answers as he pulls Jongdae’s sit closer to him. Jongdae instinctively wraps his arms around Baekhyun’s middle and presses his face against the other’s chest. Baekhyun presses a kiss on his hair and Jongdae melts a little bit more.

“I don’t know why you keep on thinking about it,” Jongdae mumbles as Baekhyun starts to stroke Jongdae’s spine. “As long as we are together everything’s going to be alright.”

Jongdae’s eyes are closed so he misses the way Baekhyun gulps “Hey, Babe, can you sit up for a bit. I… I need to tell you something.”

Despite the strain in his back, Jongdae was already comfortable in his position. So, he shakes his head and holds Baekhyun tighter.

“Come on, Baby,” Baekhyun tries to push Jongdae off, but Jongdae is stubborn and unrelenting. “Hyung is trying to have a serious conversation here,”

Jongdae straightens up and argues “You’re not my hyung.”

Baekhyun smirks at him and says, “I was your hyung last night though,” a faint blush dusts Jongdae’s cheeks causing him to slap Baekhyun’s chest with the back of his hand.

“You wanted to have a serious conversation, right?” Jongdae reminds him and Baekhyun’s smile flattens into a thin line. Jongdae starts to panic with the way his boyfriend’s eyes scream panic and uncertainty before he starts to drift his attention to anything that’s not Jongdae. His fingers drumming nervously against his thighs. Lips quivering.

“Hey,” He reaches out for Baekhyun’s hand and brings it to his lips to kiss it. This calms Baekhyun down a bit “You can tell me anything. Big or small, good or bad.”

“I know,” Baekhyun agrees and he deeply inhales, getting ready to tell Jongdae whatever’s bothering him lately but then sees the folder Jongdae brought.

“What’s that?” Baekhyun juts out his lips towards the folder,

“Oh, it’s application forms for an internship in the f(x) Industries,” Jongdae casually explains as he hands the folder using his free hand. Baekhyun opens it, also with one hand. Checking out the papers and requirements with a serious expression. Jongdae continues talking, “You told me about them, one time. Victoria Song’s fashion line. China’s Top fashion mogul.”

“Yeah... I know,” Baekhyun answers gloomily and Jongdae can feel his heart break a bit. He thought Baekhyun will get a bit excited with it. He knows how much Baekhyun needs to give up for Jongdae’s dream and Jongdae is really trying to fill all of the gaps. He is highly aware of how much Baekhyun prayed to even qualify on sending an internship application for SHINee. Jongdae would look for wishing wells and would take Baekhyun there and he would always be there with Baekhyun wishing to work for SHINee. It also helps that the reason why he got into clothes design is because of the creative director, Key.

Jongdae sighs inwardly and he unconsciously looks down, lips forming into a pout.

“I mean _if_ you’re interested in them. They’re taking in interns and it’s not like a SHINee internship but if you don’t want—” The sound of betrayal in his voice was to snap out Baekhyun from his daze.

“No, Babe, I want to,” Baekhyun quickly reassures, with a bright smile on his face, giving their interlaced hands a squeeze. “I didn’t know they were looking for interns,” Baekhyun lies. Because he did _know_ that f(x) was looking for interns because he applied for it.

He even received a letter from f(x) saying that he got in. He was planning on surprising Jongdae with the news, but that was before he got the letter from SHINee. But Jongdae doesn’t need to know about that. So Baekhyun smiles up to his boyfriend, garnering every piece of genuine he has into the smile.“I mean, wow… This is amazing… Thanks, Dae. I don’t know how—”

“I have something in mind as a form of thank you,” Jongdae says, hands creeping on Baekhyun’s thighs.

“Do you now?” Baekhyun asks eyebrows raised suggestively.

 

 

(“Oh, what were you going to say, love?” Jongdae asks while Baekhyun wipes him clean. This takes Baekhyun by surprise but Jongdae was looking at him expectantly.

“Mom called, she asked if you wanted to have a joint celebration for our graduation party,” He answers hastily, voice pitch higher than normal. He gives a smile at Jongdae. A smile that could easily deceive anyone but not Jongdae. “It will be for me, you and Chanyeol, you know like tradition,” Jongdae can see right through Baekhyun and he knows the other was intending on telling something else but he chooses not to press.

For now.

“That would be nice.”)

 

Baekhyun is out, with God knows who, hopefully, it’s Chanyeol or someone reasonably enough and won’t let Baekhyun drink. He stormed off after they had an argument, leaving Jongdae curled on the bed, crying his eyes out. Jongdae told Baekhyun that he got an email from Choi Medical and was offered a half scholarship, but he respectfully declined the offer. This is because Jongin finally lost his scholarship and Junmyeon’s salary is barely covering his own living and schooling expenses. To say that Baekhyun was mad about the news is an understatement. He went into a long rant about how Jongdae is way too nice that people keep on taking advantage of him, and why does Jongdae have to be the one that will adjust for Jongin’s failure. Jongdae defends his brother and himself against Baekhyun and the fight was blown way out of proportion. They’ve been fighting more often now; it will start with something simple and things will go out of hand. Baekhyun will walk out after the argument and drink to his heart’s content and come home the next morning saying sorry to Jongdae. Sometimes Jongdae will be the one who will walk out when Baekhyun’s words sting way too much and Baekhyun will come to find him.

Always the same apologies.

Always the same lies.

 

Their parents throw them a graduation party at Chanyeol’s house. Because Chanyeol has the biggest backyard that can cater all of their circles of friends. Junmyeon did his congratulatory speech a while ago, he congratulates everyone, giving tribute to their parents, and then wraps up his speech half-joking that he never thought that the three of them would make it past college and would be making this speech. Jongdae knew that tonight marks the end of a chapter, little did he know that Baekhyun was part of that chapter.

Jongdae is currently sitting (hiding) in a corner of the backyard, already fed up with people constantly talking to him and congratulating him. He can already hear Junmyeon saying ‘Well, duh, it’s _your_ graduation party’. Baekhyun was out to get their drinks. Jongdae is enjoying his alone time, but alas one guest finds him. Tiffany, Chanyeol’s friend? Fling? Fuck buddy? Girlfriend? Jongdae has no clue and he bet that Chanyeol doesn’t either.

“Just wanted to drop a little congratulations,” Tiffany says with her charming smile and Jongdae can’t find himself being annoyed. Jongdae stifles out a snort, Chanyeol really has a thing for anyone who eye smiles. Tiffany sits beside him and Jongdae inwardly sighs. This is better than getting talked to by random relatives, he hasn’t talked with since forever, telling him that Baekhyun is a nice _friend_.

“Thank you, Noona,” Tiffany’s smile transitions from charming to fond.

“I look up to you, you know,” She starts and Jongdae has no idea on where this is going so he lets her continue. “Letting go of your scholarship in Beijing. I heard from Chanyeol that it’s an all expenses covered one,” Jongdae looks clueless with what she’s saying – because the last time he checked he’s still enrolled in the scholarship. Tiffany remained oblivious with Jongdae’s confusion; eyes trained somewhere in the crowd. “I mean you can follow Junmyeon’s footsteps and go for Choi’s Medical, but they rarely offer a full scholarship .”

“Yeah, with Jongin coming along,” Jongdae offers, hoping to get some information on where she is coming from.

“But if it’s for Baekhyun’s internship for SHINee—”

“SHINee?” Jongdae interrupts. Not really following what she’s saying. Tiffany gives him a confused look and then it all clicks in her head, letting out a small giggle.

“I didn’t know Baekhyun was _that_ humble. He didn’t tell you that it’s an internship for SHINee?”

_He didn’t tell me about any internship at all._

Jongdae tries to smile but it falls flat. His blood feels like ice and his mouth cotton. Millions of questions run through his head while every inch of him is fighting off not to cry. The thundering of his heart blurring out the sounds around him. His throat constricts as he tries his best not to burst into flames as he can feel the hot lava of anger slide down his throat.

But, would Baekhyun literally do this to him? He wouldn’t, right? If he _did_ get in, Jongdae would be the first one to know. Because that’s Byun Baekhyun – the person that will tell Jongdae everything because he knows that Jongdae will understand. He trusts Jongdae enough to understand.

_Unless he doesn’t?_

Baekhyun comes back with a bottle of beer in one hand and OJ in the other. He spots Tiffany first and offers her his beer because he didn’t know that she’d be joining them, but she gladly rejects and says “No need. Congratulations on your internship, Baekhyun.” She then turns to Jongdae and also congratulates him before waving goodbye.

When Baekhyun turns to him, all color has left from his face and he looks so lost and scared. Eyes frantic and teary. Mouth forming into syllables but there aren’t any words coming from it. Under the heat of Jongdae’s gaze and how betrayed and pained Jongdae look – but more importantly, the look on Jongdae’s face screams hope. Hope that Baekhyun would laugh it off and say that it’s not what it looks like. Hope that Baekhyun would deny everything. But Baekhyun remains speechless.

“I…” Baekhyun starts, voice so unsure of himself and Jongdae can hear his heart beginning to break. “I’m sorry.”

Jongdae closes his eyes and shakes his head. “Let’s not do this right now,” Jongdae says in a small and quiet voice. “I need to think things through.”

“Babe—”

“Our parents made a lot of effort into throwing this party. I don’t want to ruin it because of a fight.” Jongdae snaps. He grabs the beer that Baekhyun was holding and drinks it straight up and moves away from him as fast and as far as possible.

Tonight, all he wants is to get drunk of alcohol.

 

 

Jongdae gets drunk easily, grabbing every plastic cup he gets a hold of and drinking it without hesitation. A little past ten o’clock Baekhyun was already carrying a piss drunk Jongdae towards Chanyeol’s bedroom, tucking him in between the sheets and making sure there’s a trash can beside his face if he decides to throw up. Baekhyun sits at the foot of the bed, he himself had way too much to drink, looking at Jongdae. Staring at him and just thinking.

Thinking of a way out of this mess.

Praying for what’s to come.

It was a little past midnight when a piss drunk Chanyeol, brought by Junmyeon, joins them in the bedroom. Chanyeol’s bed isn’t even big enough for himself – so Baekhyun, being the sacrificial lamb and the least drunk one – rolls off the bed, while taking one of the pillows and sleeps in the carpeted floor. Chanyeol and Jongdae curl up with each other and all of them fall asleep together.

Jongdae wakes up spooning Chanyeol, legs tangled together. Jongdae blinks the sleepiness away from his eyes and carefully untangles himself from Chanyeol. Judging from the way the other is snoring, he needs all the sleep that he could get. His head is throbbing from all of the drinks he shoved down his throat from last night, and his mouth tastes horrible. He glances at the clock at Chanyeol’s bedside table and the numbers 1:16pm flashes at him in bright red. He sits up and scans around the room, not knowing if he’s disappointed or glad that Baekhyun is nowhere in the room.

A few moments later, Baekhyun comes in with a glass of water, looking like a train wreck. Jongdae probably looks worse. He hoped his anger would subside if they postponed _this,_ but something immediately flares up the moment his eyes land on Baekhyun. It may be frustration, mixed with anger and a bad case of hungover. Baekhyun doesn’t look him in the eye as he hands him the glass and a tablet of aspirin. Jongdae takes it without a single word. Baekhyun proceeds to walk away when Jongdae’s mouth decides to take care of things.

“When do you plan on  telling me?” Jongdae asks, thankfully his tone was even. This causes Baekhyun to turn back and look at him. “The day before our flight? An hour before?”

“I wanted to…” He’s looking everywhere but Jongdae. “It’s just that whenever I want to tell you, you’ll pull up something related to us moving there. How could I even—”

“So, it’s my fault?” Jongdae cuts him, tone irritated and sharp enough to make Baekhyun panic. He shakes his head and hands – quickly denying it.

“No… No… Love, that’s not it. I’m— I’m just scared of hurting you. I don’t want to hurt you,” Baekhyun explains and Jongdae lets out a dry laugh.

“Yes, because keeping things from me really wouldn’t hurt me. Good job Byun.” Baekhyun looks so betrayed with Jongdae’s words and instead of empathizing, Jongdae grows more and more annoyed. “Don’t you think it doesn’t bug me huh? Do you think I’m not scared huh? I’m scared that you’ll regret coming with me in China and you’ll end up being unhappy and we would end up breaking up and hating each other.”

“What do you want me to do then Dae?” Baekhyun is also starting to sound annoyed, a little helpless but annoyed. If Jongdae would’ve known any better, he would’ve dropped the argument and let it slide.

“Communicate with me! The only reason that this” he gestures between them “could work is if we talk to each other. Such as telling me your plans that involve both of _our_ lives?”

This time Baekhyun gives him a sarcastic _huh._ Looking at Jongdae as if he said some kind of insulting joke.

“You want me to tell you ‘oh hey, I need you to give up your dream on China for me because we’re following my dream here in South Korea’.”

“Yes!” and the laugh Baekhyun belts out after is as sarcastic and annoying as it could get.

“Oh, because you’ll definitely give up your apprenticeship for me,” Baekhyun mocks and Jongdae is trying so hard not to punch Baekhyun out. His veins are on fire and tears were threatening to roll off his eyes. Mind going on shut down, heart aching like there’s no tomorrow.

Because here is the boy who claims to love and trust Jongdae with the entirety of his being and it turns out he doesn’t even trust Jongdae enough to choose him over some measly scholarship.

“Of course, I’ll give it up even if you didn’t ask me to,” Jongdae answers, voice already cracking.

“You’re just saying that to make me look bad,” Baekhyun comments and Jongdae can feel his body give up – closing his eyes, not wanting to see Baekhyun’s reaction when tears start to fall.

“No…” Jongdae breathes, almost as if he was praying. Praying for all of this to stop. His head spinning and his heart racing. Baekhyun is a meter away but he feels like they’re miles and miles apart. “I’m saying it because I love you.”

“Dae…” Jongdae can hear the panic, the concern, the crack. “Don’t cry please, I love you too… I love you so much, baby,” He can feel Baekhyun hug him but Jongdae can’t return it.

“Really? I feel like you’re lying though,” Jongdae confesses. Tears already staining Baekhyun’s shirt. Baekhyun holds Jongdae’s forearm and looks at him in disbelief. Not quite sure if he heard Jongdae right.

“Are you seriously doubting me just because of one mistake?”

“How am I sure it’s just one?” Baekhyun backs away, running a hand on his hair while one hand is placed in his hip, eyes skeptic.

“Why are you even doubting me?”

“If you do it it’s okay? But when I do it it’s not okay?” Jongdae counters, tone rising and Baekhyun let’s out a frustrated groan.

“I don’t think you understand this Jongdae,” Baekhyun says, exasperated. “Your dream is at the expense of mine. Do you think I’d be selfish enough to push you in pursuing _my_ dream?” ‘ _Like what you did?’_ remains unsaid but Jongdae can hear it clearly. It turns out Baekhyun heard it too because his face looks like he regrets every word but before he could explain himself to Jongdae,  he beats him to it.

“I can’t do this Baek…” Jongdae rasps out. The words burning out his throat and tongue. Tears flowing out nonstop. “Not informing me of your plans for our future… Talking about your dream and my dream and not _our_ dream.”

Jongdae really wants to stop crying, because he was never the crying one. But tears keep on flowing as all of it clicks to his head. How Baekhyun’s acting recently - the uninterested hums and the unending reasons Jongdae gets to hear whenever he asks Baekhyun to help him look at things about Beijing, Baekhyun turning every conversation about China into a fight.

“You really could’ve just told me that you didn’t want to come with me to China. We could’ve made it work. You could’ve told me about the internship Baek. I would’ve understood. You could’ve told me about all of this and we could’ve figured it all out together. Like we always do.” Jongdae says, breathing evening out. But his voice is still cracking. “But you didn’t. And the only reason my head can come up with is that you really didn’t want me to be part of your plans.”

“That’s not it,” Baekhyun defends, but it sounds more like a plead. Lips already quivering. Eyes begging.

Jongdae knows that he could’ve stopped everything right then and there. He could’ve gone to Baekhyun and hugged him, said sorry and it would’ve been another road bump in their long list of fights. Does Baekhyun deserve to be forgiven? No. But was that fight enough for Baekhyun to lose Jongdae?

Or for Jongdae to lose Baekhyun?

That time he let his hungover and emotion tinted brain get the best of him. As he mutters,

“That’s exactly it,” and walks away.

Walking away from his collegiate life.

Walking away from Seoul.

Walking away from Baekhyun.

 

 

_May 6, 2018 – Nadi Island, Fiji_

Jongdae woke up to something warm and solid at his back, brain still drowsy with sleep he leaned on the warmth as he sighed in contentment. Only to finally realize that there’s a solid weight on his waist and there’s a leg tangled with his. Jongdae lets out the loudest screech known to mankind – causing the body behind him to push him out of panic.

Jongdae looks behind his back only to see a panicking Chanyeol in between his sheets. Minseok opens his door with wide frantic eyes, followed by Han also looking frantic, they both let out a sigh of relief and closed the door.

“Why did you scream?” Chanyeol asks him, voice hoarse with sleep but he was clearly irritated.

“WHY ARE YOU HERE?” Jongdae asks back and Chanyeol winces at how loud his friend’s voice is. Trying to recollect any memories of Chanyeol coming to his bed last night, he didn’t even drink last night. But then again, its’ Chanyeol, and Jongdae would be lying if he says this is the first time, he found Chanyeol randomly cuddling him when he woke up.

“I felt guilty!” Chanyeol explains, lips forming into a pout. Pulling Jongdae at his chest, squishing him in the process. Chanyeol has this weird habit of wanting to cuddle with someone when he feels bad. “What I said last night. I was drunk and you know a brand new Chanyeol takes over when I’m drunk. I’m sorry Jongdae.”

“You tend to be really stupid when you’re drunk,” Jongdae mumbles.  He really can’t stay mad at Chanyeol even if he wanted to. “That’s why I don’t usually take anything you say seriously whenever you’re under any influence. But you really should stop drinking Yeollie.”

“I own a bar on Gangnam and you’re asking me to what?” Chanyeol laughs and before Jongdae gives him a lecture about how drinking will definitely take a toll on his body, not to mention his entire health, Chanyeol cuts him. “I’m dating Kyungsoo, do you really think that we’d last this long if I drink on the regular?” Jongdae pears up. Looking at Chanyeol with a teasing grin on his face.

“I can’t even imagine what he sees in you to last this long,” Jongdae jokes and he earns a smack from Chanyeol. “I’m kidding!” Jongdae laughs as Chanyeol grumbles about how both of his best friends think so highly of Kyungsoo.

“I’m really sorry though,” Chanyeol says. “I should have known my place.”

“I forgive you,” Jongdae mumbles on Chanyeol’s chest.

“I don’t side with Baekhyun all the time you know, I mean, I’m on both sides,” this earns a snort from Jongdae and Chanyeol takes that a cue to explain further. “Come on Dae, you know this. There’s a reason why Baekhyun never knew where you were staying in China.”

“He could easily come to the hospital and find me there.”

“And he did,” Chanyeol says. “But without any idea of how to speak Mandarin and that your hospital is as big as a shopping mall, do you really think he’d be able to find you?” Well, that explains why Baekhyun would immediately hop on a plane just to personally deliver the Privé shirts – because he thought he finally had the chance to talk to Jongdae. “You come home to Seoul on the regular, do you ever wonder why you never see him? Not even once.”

“I should be thankful then?” Jongdae asks, jokingly. Not really sure on how to feel with this information. He just thought that Baekhyun just gave up.

“I’m just saying that I’m only down with you and Baekhyun talking again if you’re down,” Chanyeol says and Jongdae just nods. “I’m sorry if it didn’t look that way.” Jongdae closes his eyes and inhales Chanyeol’s scent. “Yah! Are you going to sleep again? Today is our free day, don’t tell me you’re going to sleep the whole day!” Jongdae remained quiet. Chanyeol sits up and goes out of the bed. Jongdae feels like a rag doll on how he rolls out of Chanyeol’s chest and into the bed.

“Just let me take a nap for a bit,” Jongdae murmurs as he buries his head in the pillow. But, Chanyeol was having none of it as he scoops up Jongdae, carrying him bridal style.

“CHANYEOL WHAT THE FUCK!!” Jongdae screams as he wraps his hands around Chanyeol’s shoulders. Jongdae silently prays that Chanyeol wasn’t really lying about being a gym monkey lately.

“Can you please stop busting out everyone’s eardrums!” Chanyeol says as he walks away from the bedroom and to the kitchen.

“I CAN WALK!” Jongdae screams directly at Chanyeol’s ear. Wincing, Chanyeol puts him down. Everyone is in the kitchen except for Sehun and the birthday boy. All of them eating their breakfast, rice with some type of meat that is barbequed with some slices of pineapples and coffee. Jongdae and Chanyeol join them. The conversation flowing easily – they talked about their plans for today. Han and Minseok, with Yixing third wheeling, are planning on going to spend their last day here. Jongdae will (very reluctantly) come with Chanyeol and Kyungsoo as they would go on a food trip around the city. All of them agreed to meet up before coming to Baekhyun’s birthday bash. Turns out the entire Prive team is here and Baekhyun is having breakfast with them, Chanyeol casually informs him.

Jongdae thought that Chanyeol kept on insisting that Jongdae should join them is because there’s this some kind of hidden agenda that involves Baekhyun in it. But, turns out Jongdae really ended up third wheeling for the day – not that he really cared, Kyungsoo is not as keen and open to PDA compared to Chanyeol.

“Are you expecting someone, in the form of Byun Baekhyun, to randomly pop out?” Chanyeol teases, locking eyes with Jongdae in the rearview mirror, his smirk making his entire face cocky. “I can just text him you know, and he’d be here in an instant.” Jongdae just rolls his eyes as an answer.

They drove around the city, Kyungsoo will always inform Jongdae about the food they were about to eat. It’s quite amazing how Kyungsoo knows so much about food but needs Chanyeol to explain to him random things. A little after they had their lunch, Jongdae decides to give the two some alone time and asks Chanyeol if he could drive Jongdae back to their house – saying that he’s way too stuffed and sleepy to accompany them. Jongdae takes a nap on the back seat of the car but when he wakes up, he’s already laying on the couch. He sits up and spots Baekhyun by the dinner table – there are white paper and a couple of pencils sprawled against the table. Baekhyun is concentrating on whatever he was drawing and Jongdae is contemplating if he should talk to the other or just proceed to his room. Jongdae always subjects himself to situations he isn’t prepared for, so he chooses the former.

“Working while on vacation? Aren’t you defeating the purpose, Byun?” Jongdae asks, in a teasing manner. Baekhyun looks at him, eyes wide and surprised as he scrambled to collect up the papers.

“Funds are a bit tight – need to make ends meet,” Baekhyun plays along. Jongdae doesn’t know why he seats across him, but he does.

“Can I see your designs?” Jongdae asks – _how the hell can you transition from not wanting to talk to him to purposely opening up topics for the both of you to continue talking_ – Jongdae really doesn’t know but he just wants to get this (whatever this is) over and done with.

“They're not designs,” Baekhyun says as he places all of the paper in the chair beside him and out of Jongdae’s sight. He’s still a bit flustered that Jongdae is finally talking to him. “Just random drawings and all.”

“Why can’t I see it?” Jongdae should really get to the point but seeing Baekhyun lowkey panicking makes Jongdae want to press so much more. “You let me see whatever you draw back then.”

“Because it’s weird?”

“You’ve always been weird,” Jongdae says and he shrugs. “What makes it weirder right now?”

“Because it’s _you_ , I’m drawing you,” Baekhyun finally admits, his face is burning and so does Jongdae. “Seeing you sleeping there wearing the shirt I designed is way too adorable, my hand was just itching to capture the moment.”

Jongdae is wearing a simple white short sleeve button up with the words _nineteen ninety two_ embroidered in black on its left collar. Now it’s all wrinkly because he slept on it but he the shirt is really cute, he forgot to check if it’s Privé or not. (Or purposely not looking at the tag so that he could easily reason out that he didn’t know that it was).

“You could’ve taken a picture,” Jongdae suggests and he wants to internally scream at himself because he should’ve found it weird and creepy that his ex was watching him sleep. He should’ve snapped at the older rather than encourage him!

“But a picture wouldn’t capture the way I see it,” Baekhyun confesses and Jongdae would like to believe that the reason why his heart is threatening to beat out if his chest is because he just woke up and the adrenaline is finally kicking in.

“Can I see it?” Jongdae asks, again. Now opening up his hand in front. If someone tells you that they draw you, it’s human instinct to want to see it, right? With a very hesitant nod, Baekhyun places the thin sheet of paper in Jongdae’s palm and the other studies it.

It was him. Curled up on the couch, looking as peaceful as ever. The sunlight in the room casting softly over him, making his face look a lot angular but also soft, his lashes shadowing over his cheekbones. But Baekhyun also drew the bags under his eyes, the veins in his hands, hair sticking out all over the place. Usually, when Jongdae randomly sleeps somewhere, he thinks that he looks like a dying seal – but looking at Baekhyun’s drawing he looks good.

“It looks good,” Jongdae compliments and returns the paper to the other. Jongdae’s expecting Baekhyun to respond something like _Well, duh, of course, it will look good – I made it._

“It’s because you look good,” and Jongdae should really go check with Dr. Liu when he goes back to Beijing, she’s probably one of the best cardiologists in the country. He might as well take a trip to Dr. Lau’s psychiatric ward because he believes something isn’t right with the chemicals in his head. He’d get a general checkup – he’s friends with all of the specialists in the hospital; he’d ask Tao to schedule the appointments.

Baekhyun also falls quiet with his comment, he’s blushing from embarrassment. But then he gave Jongdae that signature square smile of his and casually asks “please go on a boat ride with me”

Both of Jongdae’s eyebrows rise in confusion because where did that come from? “Why would I go on a boat ride with you?”

“Because I asked really nicely,” Baekhyun reasons out, prompting Jongdae to roll his eyes. “…and it’s my birthday.”

“That’s not a valid excuse,” Jongdae counters.

“Can’t you be nice to me today?”

“I happen to believe that I’m always nice to you, even when you don’t deserve it,” Jongdae’s tone doesn’t have any bite to it, but he saw the exact moment Baekhyun’s face fell. This is it; he can picture Baekhyun nodding his head and saying sorry for asking too much. Not pushing it any further, because he knows his place—

“Just this once,” Baekhyun pleads. “I’ll give you what you want; I’ll stop bugging you after this. I’d leave you alone. Just go on this boat ride date with me and I’ll let you go. I’ll make sure that our paths will never cross and if we do, I’ll act accordingly. Just this once, come on.”

A million thoughts go through his head and all he could do is nod, not really trusting his voice, not really sure if this is what he wants.

The lake looks amazing. It’s late in the afternoon. It’s manmade, so it’s not as big nor deep but it’s still calming. Well it should be calming if only the air around them is not heavy or if his heart stops pounding like it ran a marathon. They’re in an open area and but Jongdae feels like he’s locked up in a tight box. He’s sitting across Baekhyun (while the other paddles their little boat), it does consoles him a little that the other looks as uncomfortable as he is. _Just like our first date._ Jongdae fishes out his phone and starts taking pictures of their surroundings.

“Take one of me too,” Baekhyun jokes in a cute voice and Jongdae, always the self-indulgent idiot, he points his phone camera to the other and snaps a photo. Baekhyun looks surprised, but in the cutest way possible, mouth slightly open and eyes wide. _Cute_. “You could use that as your lock screen. Take another one for your home screen.”

Jongdae huffs out a laugh and rolls his eyes but obliges. Baekhyun manages to smile this time, looking like a cute puppy with his eyes closed. Jongdae scans through the photos he took—

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun says all of the sudden. Making Jongdae pear up in confusion. Baekhyun looks like he’s seven seconds away from fainting with how pale he is, his eyes focused on their shoes, hands fidgeting. “I’m sorry for a lot of things. I was such an idiot, I’m still an idiot, and I have no idea on what I’m saying so I’m letting it all out. You have every right to curse me out—”

“I know two languages, are you really sure with what you’re asking for.”

“Three,” Baekhyun corrects. “You can also curse me out in that Goblin language you and Chanyeol speak in,” Jongdae tries to stifle a laugh, Baekhyun visibly relaxed with Jongdae’s comment. Baekhyun wets his lips and continues his rant, voice less nervous than earlier. “To be honest, I have a lot to say sorry for, I don’t even know where to start. But I’m sorry for going behind your back. It took me a while to accept that the reason why I submitted that SHINee internship is because I never wanted to go to China in the first place. You’re right, I planned out a future without you in it and I was stupid enough to expect you to be cool with it. I psyched myself out into thinking that moving to Beijing will impose limits on my dreams and in my abilities. I forced myself into choosing between you and my dream when I could have both. I made you as the bad guy when all you did was encourage me. And I’m sorry because you, out of all people, didn’t deserve that.”

Baekhyun looks at him straight in the eye and Jongdae can see all of his sincerity spilling out of it like water. Jongdae doesn’t know what to say because he doesn’t expect Baekhyun to reveal any of this. Baekhyun continues with his tirade.

“I was an idiot, I let the love of my life go for something superficial. When you walked out of my life…” Baekhyun fidgets as if remembering a traumatic experience and Jongdae wants to hug him because he knows what the other feels. “I plunged down into a black hole, worked myself to death – thinking that I let Jongdae go for this, I should make it worth the tradeoff. Distract myself long enough so that I forget that you’re already gone. Tire myself out so that the pain doesn’t get too unbearable. I think you can relate with that, judging from how exhausted you look – it looks like your coping mechanism isn’t any better than mine is. In fact, it looks like it’s far worst.” Baekhyun comments, looking at Jongdae with so much guilt. His gaze saying that he’s sorry for ruining not just their relationship but also themselves.

“Luckily it got better, the hard work paid off a little. My life right now with SHINee and in Seoul. I even get to the point that I planned out my future… You know… I’d expand Prive a little more – establish my own design school, get a house outside the city, get Mongryong a sibling, finally get over you and find someone and fall in love with them, settle down, and then have a few kids. I thought I was happy, I thought that I can live a life in contentment, cause that’s really a good retirement plan.”

Jongdae feels like he’s been doused by fire. Every part of him can feel the pain stemming from his heart through his entire body – because in Baekhyun’s retirement plan the only role Jongdae gets to play in it is to be the mountain Baekhyun needs to tackle down.

“But when I saw you – I really wish I didn’t get to see you, Jongdae” Baekhyun confesses and Jongdae feels like dying. His jaw locking as he fights down his tears. He didn’t realize that throughout this week Baekhyun never said his name, until now.

“Let’s stop this Baekhyun, I don’t want to listen anymore,” Jongdae croaks out but Baekhyun shakes his head, eyes determined. Jongdae realizes that Baekhyun brought them both in the middle of the lake – leaving both of them no means of escape.

“You know it’s easy to say that you’re over someone if you’re no longer seeing them,” Baekhyun says looking directly at Jongdae. “The real challenge is to look them in the eye, see their smile and hear their voice and still be able to say, ‘ _Nah… this is not what I want anymore’._ I wish I didn’t see you because you make me want to throw away all of my original plans. Because I know any adventure I already planned out for my future isn’t going to be half as incredible as the adventure I could have with you by my side. You make everything better and I _just_ know that a life with you is the best life that I could ever live. I still love you so much and I just can’t pass up on that.”

“What are you trying to say?” Jongdae asks, making sure that they’re on the same page and he’s not reading in between the lines.

“What I’m saying is that I’d do anything you ask just to be back in your life.”

“And if I ask you to fulfill your promise?” Baekhyun looks at him in confusion. Mind rattling on what promise was Jongdae referring to. “You promise that after this you’ll finally let me go,” Jongdae reminds him and Baekhyun looks at him in horror. The life in his eyes is seeping out and Jongdae looks away. “I don’t know about you, but I’m satisfied with my life as it is. I’m sorry that you’re not with yours.”

“Really?” Baekhyun asks tone somewhere in between teasing and mocking.

“I’m living a good life in Beijing, wanted to have a nice and peaceful vacation with my friends and after all of this, I’ll go back to Beijing and continue to leave the good life that I was living,” Jongdae tries his best to say that as confident as he can, but Baekhyun is far from convinced. He can’t just jump into whatever Baekhyun is offering just because the other told him that he’s willing to follow Jongdae into the hazy, unknown future – because what if Baekhyun glances back and sees that he was an idiot for doing that. Like what he’s doing right now, he chose SHINee back then and now he’s telling Jongdae that he regrets it. Baekhyun paddles them towards the shore and Jongdae decides that, if this is really the last time he’d get to talk to Baekhyun, he’d just spill it all out. “I’m scared,” Jongdae finally admits. “I’m scared about how easily you can make my heart beat faster the same way that how you can easily crush it. I’m scared that you’ll regret choosing me and you’d break my heart again and I don’t think I can get over another heartbreak like that, Baekhyun. I’m still in love with you I don’t want to, but I still am, and that’s scary. Because even if I’m still in love with you, I don’t think I trust you.” Jongdae tone is clipped. “I’m sorry, Baekhyun but you can’t just say all of that and just expect me to blindly trust you.” and all Baekhyun do is nod in understanding.

 

 

_May 8, 2019 - Seoul, South Korea_

Jongdae woke up way too early and the drastic shift in time zones finally taking its toll on him, that’s why he can no longer fall asleep. With a groan he sits up and looks at the clock, five thirty-seven am. He quickly fixes his bed and heads out of his room to their kitchen. He finds Junmyeon there, probably back from his morning run, probably making a protein shake for his post-workout ritual. Jongdae gets a glass of water and sits on one of the stools in the kitchen island. Last night, their mom went all out with feeding the three of them. Preparing all of their favorite foods, celebrating that all of her sons are home. The usually quiet home was filled with Jongin’s laughter, Jongdae’s stories, and Junmyeon’s side comments. Jongdae fell asleep with his tummy filled and heart happy.

Junmyeon sits with him. “Mom was so happy last night,” Junmyeon starts conversationally.

“Well, of course. Her favorite son is back in town,” Jongdae comments, earning an eye roll from his brother. “Oh, don’t worry hyung - you’re still her favorite daughter. Ow! Okay, stop hitting me!” Jongdae whines as he rubs the sore spot on his forearm.

“Days like these would come more often if you work here in Seoul,” Junmyeon says in his voice that Jongdae knows all too well. It’s the voice you hear on infomercials when the host is trying to sell you something you will never need. Knowing what’s to come, Jongdae just nods. “The offer is still available Dae. Our hospital will pay you better - You will be back in Seoul; Mom will get to see you more often—”

Jongdae sighs effectively cutting Junmyeon from whatever endorsement about the Choi Medical that he’s about to say. “I don’t want it. How many times do I have to tell you, hyung?” Jongdae tries not to whine because it’s too early in the morning. His brother looks at him in confusion, making Jongdae confused too.

“I thought you’d finally accept the offer because I thought… you and Baekhyun…” Jongdae violently shakes his head and Junmyeon grows even more confused. “Nothing happened in Fiji?” He asks, not really believing his little brother.

“Well something did happen,” Jongdae confesses. “He explained his side a little more, but other than that, nothing really,” Jongdae wants to say that he’s lying but he isn’t. Jongdae expected that Baekhyun would do something to appease all of Jongdae’s worries or even give Jongdae some kind of reassurance that he walks the talk but, Baekhyun obliged with his promise and haven’t done anything since their boat ride. Even on Baekhyun’s birthday party - Baekhyun kept a good distance between them.

And it only left Jongdae disappointed because he thought that Baekhyun would at least try to talk it all out with Jongdae. Convince him to take a leap of faith with him or something, but Jongdae got zero and he finally believes that maybe Baekhyun wasn’t really serious with everything he said in Fiji.

“That doesn’t like Baekhyun at all,” Junmyeon comments as an afterthought and Jongdae could only agree.

 

_May 15, 2019 - Beijing, People’s Republic Of China_

 

Jongdae groans as he sinks back on his chair. It feels like all of the sleep he got for the past week in Fiji was immediately taken out from his system the moment he entered the blindingly white hospital walls. He’s waiting for Tao to deliver his schedule for the rest of the day, it’s only a little over lunchtime and Jongdae wants to go and grab some lunch already. Jongdae was about to open his phone when he hears Tao scream by his door. Jongdae immediately scrambles up, looking for whatever bug that manages to scare the living daylights out of the intern only to find him standing in his doorway, eyes fixed on his phone - clasping it for dear life. Jongdae was about to ask what is it but Tao only shoves the phone screen on his face.

**_Byun Baekhyun Going on a Break!_ **

_Byun Baekhyun, owner and founder of the South Korean fashion line ‘Privé’, announces that he would be going on an indefinite hiatus from the fashion industry. In his official statement, Byun said that “I want to rest for a bit, go back home. Spend some time with those who matter the most.” Privé has been-_

Tao screams again randomly, causing Jongdae’s attention to go to him. Now he sees Tao looking somewhere in the doorway and when his eyes traveled at what is his intern looking at it falls into a face that he’d recognize everywhere.

“Hi,” Baekhyun smiles at Jongdae, he looks like a soft little puppy, with his hair down and dressed in a black hoodie and some ripped jeans. One hand holding a plastic bag with what looks like food containers inside, the other hand holding a big white paper bag with the words Privé embossed in gold in the middle. Jongdae’s eyes can’t believe that Baekhyun is in his office, in Beijing, looking like he didn’t just announce his departure from his own clothing line. He probably looks like a gaping fish with the way he looks at Baekhyun. Before Jongdae can even say anything, Tao fills in the gap-

“YOU’RE BYUN BAEKHYUN!” Tao squeels in mandarin and Baekhyun smiles at him, nodding. Baekhyun raises the Privé paper bag and says in Mandarin (barely comprehensible due to his Seoul Accent). “Gift” He hands Tao the paper bag and mutters, “You.” With wide eyes, Tao says his thanks before going into his full fan mode, talking fast and saying thank you, and how much he is a fan of the other. Baekhyun looks at Jongdae, asking to interpret whatever Tao was saying, he looks like a lost puppy Jongdae tries to stifle his coo. But, Tao was talking so fast even Jondgae had a hard time understanding the other. Jongdae clears his throat causing Tao’s rambling to stop.

“Can you leave us for a moment, Taozi?” Jongdae asks and Tao gives him a sheepish smile before bidding them both goodbye (A bit reluctantly to Baekhyun though). Jongdae’s attention goes to Baekhyun who was still standing in the doorway.

“What are you doing here?” Jongdae asks. Baekhyun shrugs.

“Bringing you lunch,” Baekhyun deadpans like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Jongdae watches as he Baekhyun sits in the seat in front of his desk. Placing the plastic bags in the table and taking out the containers one by one. “It’s lunchtime.”

“I know that,” Jongdae says, Baekhyun hands him a disposable chopstick and Jongdae looks at it and then at Baekhyun with raised eyebrows. “I never said I’d eat lunch with you.”

“Please, eat lunch with me,” Baekhyun says as he cocks his head into one side and blinks at him prettily. Jongdae rolls his eyes and takes the chopsticks. Baekhyun brought them Japanese food, probably because this is the only food Baekhyun can recognize. Before the Jondgae could even worry about how Baekhyun threw life away, probably leaving a lot of people jobless too, the other casually explains that no jobs were lost. He just went on a break from managing the entirety of Privé but he still owns it.

“So you’re planning to go on this break of yours until?” Jongdae prompts.

“I have no idea,” Baekhyun answers nonchalantly, popping tempura on his mouth. “I might like it here.”

“What do you mean here?” Jongdae stops eating to look at Baekhyun.

“In Beijing.” Baekhyun didn’t even falter. “I moved here.”

“WHAT?!” Jongdae.

 

And that’s how Baekhyun slowly weaved himself back in Jongdae’s life. He really moved in Beijing, enrolled himself in Mandarin classes. He would always bring Jongdae food during lunchtime, and would also pick Jongdae up from the hospital (preventing Jongdae to work overtime). Randomly popping in the hospital with small gifts and whatnot, making the staff (i.e. Tao) giggle and coo at them. Jongdae would tour Baekhyun around during the city whenever he’s on his day off. Helping Baekhyun adjust with the lifestyle - teaching him the do’s and don’ts. Jongdae doesn’t know when it transitioned from helping Baekhyun out to dating Baekhyun. Maybe it started when Baekhyun would casually hold his hand while they're walking down the street, saying that he’s just scared that he’ll lose Jongdae through the crowd. Or Jongdae attaching himself like a leech to Baekhyun when the other would need to go back to Seoul just for a business trip. Or when Baekhyun will still pick him up even if it’s way past midnight _just because_ and Jongdae can’t help but kiss Baekhyun right then and there, _just because._ Jongdae asking for kisses from Baekhyun because it was a long day at work and Baekhyun, also the self-indulgent human being, giving it to him because he’s generous. Everything was gradual and slow, but so perfect. It was like they were back when they started dating but better, the sense of maturity made their relationship grow and bloom. Baekhyun showed no signs of regret that he chose this life with Jongdae.

 

Jongdae’s alarm buzzes, causing him to wake up. He was about to stand up but arms snake around his waist and pull him in. Bareback, against the bare chest. Baekhyun nuzzles his nose against Jongdae’s nape.

“Can’t you just take a sick day, today? I need Jongdae time” Baekhyun murmurs against his skin, voice still hazy with sleep and Jongdae just hums, letting Baekhyun further tangle their legs together. Baekhyun’s study breath and heartbeat lulling Jongdae back to sleep. Taking a sick leave seems nice, he thinks. _“Dae?”_

Jongdae hums again to let Baekhyun know he’s listening. “We’re dating, right? I mean I’m your boyfriend and you’re mine?”

Baekhyun’s voice is so hopeful and innocent, Jongdae can’t help himself but smile. “I hope so. I mean we go on random dates, we embarrass each other in public, hold hands and kiss all the time, and I sleep on your bed more than I sleep in mine. You’re the last thing I think about when I got to sleep and the first thing I think about when I wake up, so, you know… Yeah… We’re dating.” Jongdae says under one breath.

“You sleep quite a lot,” Baekhyun teases, Jongdae can definitely hear the smirk on his face. “Just want to make sure,” Baekhyun mutters as he drops a kiss on his shoulder, causing Jongdae to shiver. He can’t see it but he knows that Baekhyun is smirking. “That’s a relief. I wouldn’t know what I’ll have to do when you’d say that we’re just some twisted definition of fuck buddies. But, even if you did, I’ll probably still love you though.”

“You can’t say things like that when you’re poking me with your dick,” Jongdae mutters and Baekhyun huffs out a low laugh.

“You love me anyway,” Baekhyun claims and Jongdae laughs out.

“Unfortunately, I do,” Jongdae says as he turns around and Baekhyun captures his lips. Jongdae, instinctively, melts into the kiss.

And after all of these years apart, in each other’s arms, they’re both finally home.

 

✿❀❁

 

(“Dae, Can you book us tickets to Seoul?”

“Why do I need to come? You’re his designer.”

“Well, you’re his best man and Chanyeol has been driving everyone crazy.”

“With the rate that he’s going, I’m not surprised if Kyungsoo calls off the wedding and just elope with him.”

“Don’t give him any ideas. I don’t want to put my designs to waste.”

“We could use them in our wedding.”

“I swear to God if this is your way of proposing to me...” Baekhyun threatens. “... And besides, what gives you the idea that I haven’t made the designs for ours.”)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from One Ok Rock's best [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wwVO-N0hwc) ever
> 
> please leave some love down below or at [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/aerinuh)
> 
> I made a sort of [sequel in tweet fic format](https://twitter.com/aerinuh/status/1187751985367470080) so check it out if you wanna


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